(Disclaimer: I know that everyone struggles with their mental wellbeing differently and that no two people walk the same path. I cannot speak for everyone, but I can speak for myself and hope others find relatability in my words. If you feel that my words apply to you, please reach out to your college/university’s Mental Health or Counseling Center.)
The temperature goes down, and you bundle up to stay warm. At night, you may take hours to fall asleep. In the morning, it can take hours just to peel out of bed. You’re sad and want to reach out to someone, but don’t feel like socializing or even fear that you're being a sort of buzzkill to your friends. Your appetite is shot. Hobbies you love seem to appeal less to you. You may feel on edge and be easily saddened or agitated. You find yourself dreading the cold and craving the warm.
This is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).
Now, I do not claim to be an expert on the disorder, I myself am only self-diagnosed, but I’m working on getting help. But my lack of proper diagnosis does not make my feelings any less valid than those of someone professionally diagnosed and helped. Last year, I thought it was merely organic chemistry and the “winter blues” getting me down. But a year later, I’m realizing it is so much bigger than that. One winter alone was one winter too many.
Like I said, I was convinced that life was happening all too fast last fall and the stress got the best of me. This fall, life is still punching me in the face, but now I am left wondering: Between my mood and my circumstances, which factor is the cause and which is the effect?
To everyone like me, diagnosed or not: please know that you are not alone.
I can only speak for myself, but I was convinced that since I got happier when the weather got nicer, I didn’t need help. I just needed to power through the fall and winter and pray for the light at the end of the tunnel. But I know nothing can be further from the truth. Whether you need help for just one bad day, or if you need help for the rest of your life, you still need help. And that need is valid no matter how long it takes for you to feel better. I know it feels like just powering through is the only solution, but then what happens when September rolls around? Are you just going to passively dread the fall, and live this vicious cycle for the rest of your life?
I refuse to live like this anymore. I’m promising myself, with the Odyssey and its readers as my witness, to get help. I hope that anyone who struggles as I do will decide to take that first step with me.