It’s taken me a long time to realize my self-worth, and grappling with the idea is just hard for me. But as of lately, I have decided that I am worth more than you give me credit for. Often times I think there is something wrong with me because I don’t have a long-standing boyfriend, or a ring on my left hand yet. All of my friends do, so why don’t I? I wonder what I could change about myself to magically fix all of my problems. I worry hour after hour, event after event, what exactly is it that I’m doing wrong? Why isn’t being myself enough? And then the tiny voice deep inside my head hits me again. I am enough, and I am worth more. So maybe, just maybe, I can entertain the thought of listening to that voice, and hearing what she has to say.
I am worth more than that 2 A.M. text.
The classic scenario, we've all seen it before.
I am worth more than your judgment.
I don’t need you to critique and rate every part of my body. Never again will I need your approval over the way that I look.
I am worth more than your words.
These words that are filled with unfulfilled promises and hope. I am done listening. I won’t fall for your lies anymore.
I am worth more than a hookup.
I swear we don’t know how to commit and date anymore. I am not someone’s casual fling, wine and dine, or friend with benefits.
I am worth more than your fear.
I am intimidating, smart, and independent. I am not the damsel in distress, or the girl who pretends to be dumb for attention. I am a graduate student, and if you can’t handle my mind, someone else can.
I am worth more than that other girl.
The one who is prettier, blonder, and better. There will always be that girl, the latest new model. She is an elusive novelty, yet never around for long. She won’t be there for you like I will be.
********
I list out these experiences and failures, forever washing my hands of the words that haunt me and make me unhappy.
On the flip side, here is what I do deserve.
I deserve a good morning/good night text.
A ‘how are you’, and ‘hope you’re having a good day’ text. I deserve someone who thinks about me, and longs to see me after a long day at school/work.
I deserve to be called beautiful.
I know and acknowledge I have flaws, and my body is far from perfect. But my body keeps me alive and allows me to live. So, therefore, I will respect it, and love my flaws. And you should too.
I deserve commitment.
Someone who wants to be with me, and only me. Someone who will keep his promises, and be there for me, as I am there for him. I deserve someone who loves and cherishes me.
I deserve the world.
Or at least my fairytale version of it. I deserve someone who is hard working, and willing to pursue our dreams. I deserve someone who will love me unconditionally, even when I’ve had a bad day, and am not the best version of myself.
I deserve to be loved for my mind.
I should be celebrated and praised for my abilities, not torn down. I wish for you to fall in love with my mind and my spirit.
I deserve to love someone.
To celebrate and treasure another person, adventuring through life with me. Someone who brings out the best in me, not someone who tears me down.
I still struggle daily to let the negatives go, and embrace the positives. Yet I still have faith that there is a guy out there who deserves me, and I in turn deserve him too. I want this letter to be a reminder to myself that I am worth more, and I deserve more. And if you’re reading this, you are worth more and deserve more too.
