Dear Mama Bear,
I can’t even put into words how lucky I am to be the daughter of a woman who loves so hard, and is so devoted to put her family first no matter what. You are not only my mom, but also my absolute best friend. I love you so much. If I could change this all for you, I would. I know that chronic illness isn’t easy, and I know raising a family isn’t either…I can’t imagine the two together. I just wanted to write this to thank you, because I feel like you don’t hear it enough.
For as long as I can remember, you’ve been sick. I know that when I was little, I didn’t fully understand what this meant. The words “lupus” “multiple sclerosis” and “connective tissue disease” were just terms to me. You got up every day, put on a brave face…you didn’t let it show how much you were hurting. I know that I would get mad at you when plans would get canceled cause you weren’t feeling up to it, and I still do sometimes, and I’m sorry that I didn’t understand. I’m sorry that I made you feel bad for something that you couldn’t help. Know that I love you an incredible amount and I did back then, too.
Thank you for continuously going out of your way to make things easier for me, even when they’re tough for you. On the days where you feel too much pain to get out of bed, you’ve still found the strength to and fight for your family. I admire you for that every day, and even if you don’t think I notice how much you do…I do. I’m so grateful to be the daughter of someone who gets up every day and continues to go above and beyond for her family. You are an actual superwoman, and an actual hero. Even though I’m only 19 years old, when someone asks me what I want to be when I’m older, I still say that I want to be like you. You are my biggest inspiration and the strongest woman I will ever know.
Some days are rougher than others. Nothing hurts me more than the days where you wake up in agony and I know there is nothing I can do to help. I’m glad that those are the days when I can sit with you on the back porch by the pool laughing, or the days we stay huddled inside watching scary movies. I hope you know that on the lowest days that you are never alone, you will always have me. Even when I’m at school, or out with my friends…I am just phone call or drive away. You’re my best friend, and I’ll drop the world for you.
Lastly, I’m sorry for the days I make harder for you. The ones where we are arguing, or I am absolutely no help at all. I don’t mean to be. Sometimes it slips my mind how out of your way you go for me. Know that even during the yelling, the cursing, the ignoring each other, and the bickering, I love and appreciate everything you do. Even during those arguments, you still always have me. You are still my best friend.
I wish I could take this all away from you. But since I can’t, I promise to keep trying to make it easier. Thank you for never failing to be my personal superwoman. I love you more than I could ever put into words.
Love,
Your Daughter.
