An Open Letter to my Siblings as we Grieve

An Open Letter to my Siblings as we Grieve

"Everybody has a chapter they don't read out loud"
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This will not be easy…

Many people asked me prior to the death of my dad if I ever thought about how it would be when he actually passed away. I am not going to lie, I did, and maybe you did too. But nothing could have even begun to prepare me what I am feeling, thinking and experiencing right now. I always had an idea on how I would take care of myself. But at the end of the day, I always was more worried about you guys. There has not been a day where dad hasn’t crossed my mind in one way or another and I can only assume you guys have experienced the same thing. Nothing is more frustrating and heartbreaking than having the urge to call dad and tell him about my day or just to see how he is doing. In a weird sense, each day becomes both a little easier as well as harder. Just know that the three of us will one day make it out of this brutal battlefield as one.

…but it also will not be impossible

Following the news of dad’s passing, did you begin to think how the hell you were going to make it out of this crazy journey? Trust me, I did too! Look at us now, weeks have gone by and we have continued to handle this in our own ways. Moment by moment, day by day, we have managed to move forward. Does that mean it has been easy? Far from it. But at the end of the day, through the drive of ourselves, each other, and the ones around us, we have completed the unfeasible. This roller coaster ride is far from over, just promise me you will hang on tight, okay? We can do this.

Don’t ever be scared to show your true emotion

Trust me, if it is any trait that the three of us received from dad it is that we all are horrible at talking about and showing our true emotion. I know it can be uncomfortable or even weird to express what we truly are feeling. But don’t allow that to be the reason you continue to hold back what has built up inside of you. Crazy enough, I have showed by emotions in the craziest ways since dad’s death; finding sick humor in non-humorous scenarios, crying in class, crying in public (restaurants, malls, bathrooms, coffee shops) the list could go on. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to laugh, laugh. Have the urge to scream, do it! I promise you, the satisfaction of spilling out your emotions is indescribable. Find someone you trust and know that you can reach out to them at any time. You are surrounded by so much support—take advantage of it!

Everything happens for a reason

Such a cliché saying, right? But at the same time, it is incredibly true. I don’t know about you, but I have continued to think about ‘why.’ Why dad? Why anyone? Why us? Why didn’t he survive? Why now? Why ever? It is frustrating to think that answers to all of this questions have continued to be unknown. Yet, I always find comfort in the idea that one day, all the answers will arise. Until then, just remember that dad forever is cancer free and in the best place this world has to offer.

Know that we will always have each other

Just when you think that you don’t have anyone who truly understands what you are going through, feeling and dealing with, remember you have us. As we all continue to live our day to day lives in different places, in different phases and surrounded by different people, that never will take away the fact that the three of us will forever be siblings. I love you guys.

Dad will forever be looking down on us

Right when you believe that dad isn’t with you, think again. During times of success, failure, happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, good and the bad, he is never too far away. Whether it be when you receive an awesome grade in school, a promotion in work, graduation, weddings, etc., dad will always be there. Let’s continue to make dad proud, hand in hand, together.

Cover Image Credit: Taylor Stossel

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Dear Mom, From Your Daughter In College

Here are all the things our phone calls aren't long enough to say.
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Dear Mom,

Do you remember when I was three and we would play together? It was the age of princesses and carpet that was actually lava, and you were the prettiest woman in the whole wide world. Do you remember when I was in high school and the world seemed too big and scary? You would know exactly when to take me on a mother-daughter date and have me laughing about anything and everything, and you were the smartest woman in the whole wide world. Now, I'm buried in homework and deadlines hours away from you and we don't get to talk as much you want, but you're still the prettiest, smartest woman in the whole wide world.

I'm sorry that I don't call you as much as I should, and you know a lot of what goes on in my world via posts and pictures. Our schedules just seem to never line up so we can have the three-hour conversations about everything like I want to. I know we don't agree on absolutely everything, but I cherish every piece of advice you give me, even though it probably seems like I'm hardly listening. I know that sometimes we get on each other's nerves, but thank you for putting up with me for all of these years. Thank you for listening to me cry, complain, question things and go on and on about how everything in college is. I know I don't come home as much as I used to, but I think about you all the time. After all, you're my first friend, and therefore, my best friend.

Thank you for celebrating my successes with me, and not downing me too hard for my failures. Thank you for knowing what mistakes I shouldn't make, but letting me make them anyway because you want me to live my life and be my own person. Thank you for knowing when to ask about the boy I've been talking about, and when to stop without any questions. Thank you for letting me be my crazy, weird, sometimes know-it-all self.

Thank you for sitting back and watching me spread my wings and fly. There is no way I could have known how to grow into the woman I am today if I hadn't watched you while I was growing up so I would know what kind of person I should aspire to be. Thank you for being the first (and the best) role model I ever had. You continue to inspire and amaze me every day with all that you do, and all that you are.

I don't know how I got so lucky to have a person in my life like you, but I thank the Lord every night for blessing me with the smartest, prettiest person to be my best friend, my role model, my confidant, my person and most importantly, my mother.

Love,

Your daughter

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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