Dear Professor,
It would seem that you and all your colleagues have forgotten that cliché saying “the world does not revolve around you” because you have ruthlessly unleashed project after project after essay on us this semester forgetting we have other classes. Now, before you say anything, I know it is college. I understand that it is supposed to be at a higher caliber than the schooling prior. But, you do research and I assume you are educated, after all you are an educator. You must have seen the statistics or at least a clever meme on how stressed out we college kids are these days. There is no way this is going over your head no matter how clueless you claim to be.
On top of that it would seem you and your colleagues also met for early dinner…a lot…over summer to plan out your syllabi. I don’t even have to guess this, you love talking about how much you and your colleagues get together. Anyways, that is beside the point. Not only did you all get together, you reveled in how much group projects would benefit us, etc. I am hoping this is what you discussed. I don’t want to imagine you purposely trying to torture us. I must chalk up this insane number of group assignments to you thinking you are somehow benefitting us because I know you see our faces, hear the audible sighs, feel the panic rising in the room as we search for a partner because we really know no one in the class. (are you kidding it was hard enough to get this class there was no way I could plan it with a friend) If my friend is in the class, it is because I got lucky or I worked my butt off to make sure we both were in the class. Trust me when I say it did not come easily. So you did it; you gave the group project. One of the four or five I will have before the semester is up. I just want you to know I am cursing you in my head five times over. Do you know what happens after you assign the dreaded group project? Surely you must not, so I am going to clue you in.
First of all, your disclaimer of “do not worry you will be graded individually” does not settle the panic and rage stirring in our hearts. In fact it has only added to the anxiety. Once those words are out a few things happen: One, now we just feel betrayed. You, our honored professor have flat out lied to us. You can try your hardest to grade us individually but the bottom line is it is not going to happen. If that was the case you should have just had us do an INDIVIDUAL project. This GROUP project pretty much garuntees that we will be graded together. Sure, you can try your hardest to grade us separately, you are probably going to even make us write a paper on what our part was, but the bottom line is that people lie, you will never actually know, and now we have anxiety that people are indeed going to LIE about what they did. Which one of us will you believe? We want to believe our group members will be honest, but there is still that doubt. Let’s be honest, most of us have trust issues. Two, we now feel like we have to outshine everyone in our group because you have decided to “grade individually” which causes a very ungroup like atmosphere and just totally invalidates the point of a group project. So…there’s that.
Next, we will begin to panic because like I said earlier, we have to pick a partner. Our eyes will begin to scan the room, looking for the people we may get along with or who have silently built a reliable resume through their participation in class and we assume they will be able to carry their weight. We will also do a few quick dodges and quick-pretend-the-wall-is-interesting-and-avoid-eye-contact from the slackers, the sleepers, or the people we are silently praying won’t ask to be in a group with us because the polite thing to do would be of course say okay. Once this dance is over and we have awkwardly eye-picked our partners and mouthed “you, me, ok?” to two or three people and even more awkwardly rejected four or five people the fun really begins. You see, Professor, group projects were more doable in high school. We had bed times, most of us did not have jobs, classes were at set times and we all had the same class schedule, and we also had a lot less responsibilities in general. In college it is like a minefield trying to pick a time when everyone can meet up.
Lastly, actually doing the project. There is the slacker kid, the kid who never shows, the kid who you thought would help but doesn’t, the kid who throws in ideas that make absolutely no sense, and you. Somehow we all are the leader, the one who does everything. Which is interesting because there is no way all of us are this person, I just mentioned four other people definitely in the group, but anyways (sips cup). Somehow we pull through and everything comes together. Somehow we will show up to class on the day you assigned and present and look like we have it all together. You will, we hope, never be the wiser to how much of a struggle this was and how many passive-aggressive tweets we posted because of this very project. *Sigh* Professor, that’s what college really is…A hell storm of trying to get everything done that you throw at us and then tying it together with a really nice bow and pretending it was easy. Then we have to call our parents and either apologize for taking out our stress on them or reassure them we are still alive and it was just a busy week in school and of course mom I will try to call more, yes I love you too, no, no, yes, okay, Mom I have to go, ok, yes, MOM, bye.
So that’s what happens when you assign a group project. Don’t get me wrong. I have met some awesome people in my groups, people I never would have met otherwise, and we have had some good times. All I am saying is maybe one group project a semester, not three. Maybe do class activities so we get to know those people but still give individual assignments. Maybe I am wrong and you know some secret as to how group projects are the most beneficial things on the planet…but lets be honest it probably isn’t the last one.
Sincerely,
Your student
