Dear anxiety,
Thank you for reminding me everyday that if I make a mistake no one will like me and that I'll be alone. You're a real friend! But really, why do you need to do that? Do you think I can't create the most idiotic situations in my head myself, that I need your help to create movies in my head of situations I know could never actually happen.
Sometimes, after the fact, of course, you're funny from time to time. You make me think my boyfriend is mad at me because he didn’t text me back…obviously, he was in the shower. And what about that time you started crying because the store didn’t have the color comforter you wanted and your room couldn’t be complete without it. You're a real pal and actually always wrong!
Why do you torture me the way you do? I don’t think you really know how much I hate you, how crazy you make me feel. The way you finagle your way inside my body, my brain, my heart, between my toes and under my nails, there is nowhere you can't find. I tried to hide from you for so long, run away into the dark so you couldn’t find me, and you always did. you always found me and reminded me of all the horrible things in life, all the ways I've managed to lose. How I could lose everything good that’s ever happened. You've made me feel like I wasn't good enough, like my boyfriend couldn’t love me for me, but guess what, you're wrong
I want to also thank you, though. Thank you for making me feel like I wasn’t worth it so the day I realized I was it never felt so good. Thank you for making me feel crazy enough to see at therapist so I knew I wasn’t alone. You’ve made me feel the lowest someone could feel, and I thank you for that because I'd never make someone feel so weak intentionally. Thank you for keeping me up all night thinking, they say that sometimes not sleeping is actually good for you.
You have a really creative imagination. It's not bad. I appreciate it sometimes when you think of a good idea, or you actually help me make a good decision because you made me too afraid to ever mess up. I know I yell at you and make you feel bad, but could you sometimes think about what you're doing to me, too? Let's just take this day by day, no need to think about your New Year's plans failing quite yet, OK?
Love,
Your cage
