An open letter to my parents...
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Adulting

An open letter to my parents...

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An open letter to my parents...

First, I would like to start out with neither of you were the parents my siblings and I deserved to have. I wish that was something I didn't have to say, but sadly it's true. You both believe my brothers and I had the perfect childhood (denial) but when has watching your parents fist fight constantly become something good? When has watching your mother drunk out of her mind almost every night, passed out thinking that you are dead become normal? When does finding meth pipes in your mothers purse MULTIPLE times become normal? You love to speak about how much Chuck did wrong, but Denise, you did just as bad. You are the narcissist, too. All I ever wanted was to have a bond with you, but you ruined that for me.

Chuck, you were the first guy to break my heart. You left when I was young. Then, in eighth grade I moved in with you due to the fact that my mother and I were not getting along and I could no longer put up with it anymore. It was only just a few months into living with you and I saw your control tactics. You degraded me for almost everything. It could've been the smallest, simplest thing and I would be the "horrible and ungrateful child". Everything I did was wrong to you. I noticed that every time I messed up I would say "I'm dumb". My teachers at school were noticing it. That's what you buried in my head. I always think that I'm doing something wrong, because of you. The moment something bad happens I automatically think that it's my fault. You kept me from my brothers for months. The fridge had absolutely no food in it. (I have pictures to prove it). You can claim all you want that you didn't have money to buy food, but you came home with a 24 pack of beer every night and who knows what else. My brother tried to get custody of me due to the fact that I was basically being neglected, but that failed. So you kept me in a room all day, everyday with nothing. That was my "punishment". I had to keep my mouth shut. DFACS came to the house and you manipulated them into thinking everything was fine. You find your ways to get out of things by being the master manipulator. On social media you love to make yourself look like this positive outgoing person, but truly, you're just a lying, cheating, woman beater who is insanely obsessed with himself and needs help.

Both of you are the example of parents I never want to be to my children. You treated my brothers and I so poorly and I will never understand why you couldn't just be normal parents. You didn't have to be perfect, but why couldn't you just be a normal parent and take care of your kids. Instead, you pushed us to the side and put other things like drugs/alcohol as your top priority.

I get angry at times because I let myself get so upset over what you two have done. I sit there and think of why weren't my brothers and I good enough to you. I hate it. I can't have a bond with my parents. I don't want you in my life however, I wish you chose to do right so I could have what my friends have, which is parents. I envy them because I so badly want to be able to say "I'm going to mamas house today" or have that simple phone call with my dad. Not having that bond with your parents feels like you don't have any air. I despise how bad my anxiety has got because of both of you. It's terrible. It's like living without air. You caused something I will never be able to forgive you for.

I hope that someday the both of you come to realization of what you did and change for the better, but after all these years I don't think you're going to change. You're possibly still going to be in denial about everything I wrote and do the same thing you've done since I was a child and turn it around on me.

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