A week ago, everything was perfect. We were in this perfect little bubble and I thought we were alright. Now, my whole word is falling apart after you said the three words that I never thought you would say:

“Maddy, it’s over.”

I felt my heart shatter in my chest as you gave me one last kiss and walked away. It was was so easy for you to just walk away. For the past two and a half years, I gave you everything. I did everything I could to make sure you were the happiest guy ever, because when you were happy, I was happy. Knowing that I got to see your smiling face and be the reason for that smile meant everything to me. You promised you would never hurt me, but you broke that promise. I begged you to stay, to let me prove to you that we could be happier than ever before, even when everyone told me to stop begging and let you go. I couldn’t find the strength to let you go.

When I was with you, I never felt alone. Now, I feel so alone, regardless of who I have around me to support me. The one person that I want is you. I want to call you and hear your voice and talk to you. But I can’t, and I feel numb inside. I keep telling myself to push through and that one day I will be able to get to a point where I can be your friend. I want that, more than anything. If I can’t be yours romantically, I at least want to be someone who you can call your friend. I want to get to a point in our lives where maybe, just maybe, we could do some of the things we did as a couple as friends. Like, calling you after work and telling you all about my night and the guests I got to encounter. I loved getting to watch those nerdy Youtube videos with you, and getting to watch movies with you that I would have never watched on my own. You were there for me when the movies, or life, got too scary, and you would hold my hand, give me a hug, and tell me everything would be alright. Even if nothing was going to be alright, it was nice to hear those words coming from you.

I still remember when I started falling for you. I fell hard and fast. I fell for you every day for those two and a half years. You were my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first love. Part of me hopes that one day, you realize that you lost the best thing that has ever happened to you and we can come back together. But I know that will most likely never happen. For now, I am going to cry and scream and get angry because you promised to never hurt me and you hurt me in the biggest and worst way possible. And it hurts, so bad. One day, maybe in a week, in a month, in a year, I will be ready to put myself back together. It hurts to think about because I want you to be the one who puts me back together, no one else. Right now, I don’t feel like I’m strong enough to get through this without you. You’ve been there for me for so long that I don’t know how I can get through this without you.

Please remember, that no matter what happens, I will always love you. I gave part of my heart to you and you will always have it.