Dear Mom,

Seventy-seven days ago today my life was completely flipped upside-down and changed forever. Seventy-seven days have passed from the 3-a.m. call I got telling me that you were gone. Seventy-seven days ago you were called to Heaven. Seventy-seven days ago today my heart broke, and it still doesn't feel real.

With every passing day, I ask myself why. At 19 years old, you never expect to be saying goodbye to your mother. You expect to be coming home from college, walking through the door to her open arms. We should be reminiscing about my time there, the friends I made and the experiences I had. But no, that's not really how life works, is it?

I'm having a hard time writing this, because as much as I have felt these past 77 days, I still have a hard time finding the words to describe how I am feeling.

My life completely changed that day, and I am still trying to find my way back. Every day I wonder what my life would be like if you were still here. I wonder where we would have gone, the adventures we could have had, the endless ice cream dates we should have gone on - all of it, now impossible, because God called you home just a little bit too soon.

I just want to say that I'm sorry for ever not appreciating you enough, for fighting with you, and for all those times that we could not see eye-to-eye. Our relationship was never perfect, but neither were we. Yet, we still had some way of always forgiving and forgetting, because that's just how we rolled. Not to mention you were one of the best people I knew. You were so supportive of everything I did. You were always there at every band concert, play performance, and choir concert I ever had while you were able. You were so positive in everything that He threw your way, every single battle you were given, and you were so driven to overcome it. Your soul was the most beautiful I've seen, but in a way so unique to you it was incredible. If you were still here, I can't imagine the hugs and stories we would have shared, and what I would do to simply hug you one more time is incredible.

As I try to move forward, I'm thankful for the time that we had together, the memories that we made and the stories that we shared. I'm thankful that we had the opportunity to share 19 years together, and although every day I wish for more, I am grateful. Thank you for inspiring every person who ever knew you with your "glass half full" positivity and stubbornness to give up. But most of all, thank you for loving me through it all.

I have peace in my heart knowing that you are somewhere free of your pain and surely having the time of your life. ALS is a bitch, and it's a sentence, and it's an absolutely horrible disease that you never deserved any part of. Watching you suffer through something like that was the hardest thing that I have ever had to go through, but it's over, mom, and I hope you're up there baking cakes and cooking bowtie noodles and kielbasa like nobody's business. I love you, momma, and if love could have saved you, you surely would have lived forever.

I love you forever, I love you for always, as long as I'm living, my momma you'll be.

Love,

Your daughter.