Mom,
In your words —“They say that change is the only thing that stays the same in life.” So, it’s not a surprise that my going to college was a huge change. My moving out of the house into the dorms on campus was a huge change. Not being woken up every morning by your familiar voice is a change. This past year came with a lot of changes -- both good and bad. But with all of these changes, I know that I can count on one thing to stay the same: my mom. You will always be my best friend.
As this year provided us with the many changes, it also provided us with tests in our relationship. As a mother and daughter, we’ve argued. We’ve had disagreements. We’ve had days that we didn’t want to talk to each other. But in the past year, I’ve needed you more than ever. I’ve needed you to take me on college visits, hug me when I made the wrong decision and talk me through how to solve my biggest dilemma thus far in my 19 years. I’ve needed you to hug me as tight as you did when I was little girl and fell and scraped my knees. I’ve needed you to go shopping with me, and help to make the minor decisions for college supplies that I turned into major decisions because you know how dramatic I am. I’ve needed you to help me move in my new dorm, my new home. But I didn’t need you to do it just once, I’ve needed you to do it twice. I’ve needed you to let me go twice. For that, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for the pains in the ass I’ve given over the past 19 years. I’m sorry for the attitude I’ve given, the things I’ve said that I didn’t mean and the “hissy fits” I’ve thrown. Now that I’m in college and things have changed, I still have things to apologize for. I’m sorry that I forget to text and call. I’m sorry that I don’t come home and visit as much as I should. I’m sorry that you worry.
You really don’t need to worry. I promise you that I’m happy and that I’m doing well. I’m going to class and doing my homework. I’m studying for tests and communicating with my professors. Every day I still meet new people and build new bridges for myself. I know that you worry. You’re my mom so I guess it’s kind of your job to worry about me. But you really don’t need to worry all that much. As you said before, “Life’s about choices.” And I promise that I’m making good ones. I have surrounded myself around people who genuinely care for me. I know that family is forever, and nobody will care for me like you and dad do. So again, don’t worry, I know my place in the world. I know my goals. I know who I want to be.
I just want you to know I think about you. I think about you everyday. I reminisce in class when I get bored, of all the time I’ve spent with you. Of all the things you’ve done for me. I think of how truly blessed I am to have you as my mom. But you’re not just my mom. You’re my hero. You’re my best friend. And I know that a lot of daughters say that their mothers are their best friends, but you really are mine. I can come to you with any issues I’ve had or will have, and I know that you wont judge me. You will provide me with the best advice and hold my hand as we solve the issue together. I just want you to know how much you mean to me. I just want you to know that I think about you every day. I just want you to know that even if I forget to text you or to call you, you’re still on my mind. You’re always on my mind. So as I schedule my classes for next semester, please remember that you will always be my mom and my best friend. And even though this is the very, very beginning of life on my own, I will always need you. I will always love you, I will always think about you, and believe it or not, I will always worry about you, just as you worry about me.
As I think of all the times we’ve made each other crazy, I can’t help but think of all the times we couldn’t get enough of each other. So, as I grow up and somewhat part ways away from you and dad, please don’t worry about me. Don’t worry about the guy I’m dating, don’t worry about my best friends, don’t worry if I’m making the right choices. Now, I know you’re going to worry, and that’s okay. But I’m hoping if you know that I’m happy, genuinely, contently happy, maybe you can worry a little bit less. Just know that I will always know where I came from, I will always come home when I need too, or when you, dad or Jake need me too. Just know that every time I look down at my tattoo of your writing, I hear that beautiful voice of yours singing “You are my sunshine.”
I love you forever and always,
Forever your little girl
