There are so many "open letters" that float around the internet; to my first love, to my unborn child, to my parents, to my future husband/wife, etc... They all seem to resonate so well with readers and that is because we all have one thing in common and that is relationships.

We were not created to live or be alone. We were made as relational beings, who live on the love and energy given off by others. What an amazing thing, that your very existence gives someone else meaning. You have an impact on those you meet - maybe good and maybe bad - but in some ways, large or small, you change them.

There is so much focus on the ex-relationships that existed in a very concrete period in one's lifetime. Most (myself included) can name the date it started and relent on the day that it ended. But the one that is so underrated and so overlooked is one that started and for whatever reason ended, or maybe just faded away overtime. So:

To my Missed Opportunity,

I want you, first of all, to know how much I really cared for you. For whatever reason, we connected much more quickly than the other relationships that I have pursued. We fell fast and we fell hard and in a short amount of time, I saw so much good but I also saw the not-so-perfect parts of you. And the baggage that should have scared me away did nothing but make me feel that much stronger for you. Maybe it was physics, and how fast we went up had a lot to do with how fast we came down.

I never had the chance to fall totally in love with you, but found millions of chances to love different parts of you. I love that when you talked about your future, you could not stop smiling because you got so excited but twisted your fingers around because you got so nervous. I loved how you smiled talking about your sisters and how into football games and car engines you were. Your laugh was goofy, but contagious and your personality was a magnet to people around you. You had big, bright eyes and a wide smile that were hard to look away from.

But I saw the darkest parts of your past and your present. I saw the pain from years of abandonment. When you drank too much, you screamed and were angry. Your smile faded and you became someone else. Almost all of the people you loved had hurt you, and I wanted so badly to prove that I wouldn't be one, but your walls were built too high and I could only climb for so long.

We talked about our potential and feelings for way so long. We lived on the idea of one another but it never came to life. We were distracted by our imagination and tried to survive on the daydreams we created of each other. But like all dreams, we had to wake up at some point.

I can't remember the day or even the week that you went away. But I do remember the moment - the punch-in-the-gut moment - that I realized you weren't coming back. You had moved on, and I didn't even know you were leaving. I cried for you and had no idea what I was crying for. We weren't official but that didn't mean that it wasn't real. There was a few hours of anger and wanting to know why. But that never lasted long.

I mostly long for confidence to lend me a hand in texting you to ask how you are. I hope that you found the love from different areas of your life that you were looking for. I want to know if your sister ever got her first boyfriend or if your dad ever came around for you. I want to know if those friends that betrayed you so many times were replaced by those who treasured you like you deserved. I want to know if you ever got the house you drove by after work that you saved up so long for, or if you got to make an offer on your dream car.

I want to thank you. Thank you for giving me a short period of feeling nothing less than happy and free. Thank you for making me laugh when I just wanted to sleep or cry (or both). Thanks for never letting me buy my own drinks and not making me drive when we went out. Thanks for protecting me from crazy people by wrapping your arms around my waist and letting me know you were there. Thanks for understanding where I'd been and where I was going. Thank you for opening up to me and thank you for letting me know when I was being dumb or dramatic. Thank you for giving me just a little glimpse of the kind of love that I want in life and thank you for teaching me some of what I need to do to keep it around.

But more than anything, I have a lot of hope for you. I hope that you found what you needed to fill the emptiness that those people and this life left you with. I hope that whoever has a chance to love you next, takes it and really makes it what it has potential to be. I hope she loves you through the uncertainty, drunken rage, and helpless cries. I hope she stays patient with your work hours and I hope she can hang during your favorite team's games. I hope she makes you food and cleans up so you come home to a clean room. I hope she laughs at your stupid T.V. shows and actually enjoys them. I hope that she hugs you more than (you admit that) you want to be hugged, and I hope she hugs you like she needs you. And most of all, I hope that she proves to you how worthy of love you are. Because you deserve nothing but the absolute best. You deserve the things in life that won't fade or leave you. The people around you, and ones that aren't so close anymore, can't wait to watch you grow and make life all that you dream it to be. You deserve love and life in all it's fullness. And if I had just a little longer with you, I would have let you know just how much.

Sincerely,
Watching from a distance