Dear “Friends,”
These may not be the best words you have heard from me.
Some may be offended, and some may be happy I’m finally saying this. A friend supports you through thick and thin, not only when it is beneficial for them. Through the years, I have grown closer and closer to him, and “left” you guys behind. Let me say that this is not only my doing, but yours, too. I went through some pretty hard times that made me question my worth. I spent nights crying and wondering why no one liked me. Through all those torturous nights, he was there...Where were you?
You see, I never wanted to throw this in any of your faces -- it just isn't who I am, but it's time you wake up. You always made me feel bad when I wanted to spend my days and nights with him, even though you didn’t invite me to anything until the hour before. You see, this isn't meant to be a cheesy letter about how amazing he is, but it's a letter to show you why I am “with him 24/7 and left everyone.” None of you ever asked me how I felt daily, you just always assumed I was okay, like I was never hurting. You guys took my kindness and kind heart as a joke, and played with me until I burst. As the year progressed, I questioned more and more about my life and if I was truly happy with it. That is when I realized, you guys never made me feel like I belonged on this earth: you made me feel like I was beneath it. I'm not trying to hurt anyone, but to make anyone reading this know how hard it is to make everyone happy. You guys made me feel like I should feel bad for spending all my time with him and not with you. Tell me this though, why would I ever want to hang out with people who made me hate myself more and more each day, people who made me feel so little and unimportant? I would travel the halls of school, depressed and filled with anxiety as the days went on...Where were you? No one ever stayed up with me to check in and see how I was feeling, except him. Every weekend I would be with him and post cute photos of him and I, happy together. With this, I knew I would receive your comments either in my inbox or in person when I saw you:
“Why are you with him so much?”
“Why can’t you do anything without him?”
“You never hang out with us because you're always with him!”
At this point, I knew it was time to get rid of you. You were nothing but awful toxic that I was breathing in and only inhaling. Inhaling toxic can eventually kill you, and that's what you were doing to me. Every comment tore at me more and more as I finally just broke down and lost everything that I was. I wasn’t myself for weeks, I was silent, not making anyone laugh, and keeping to myself. I was on my phone more because all I would do is text him telling him I hated myself and just wanted all this pain to end. You never cared about my feelings, only yours, and that isn’t a friend. As I got accepted into college in my senior year of high school, you guys all made jokes about it: “You can't handle that” followed by, “Wow, you're such a nerd." Of course I laughed it off but little did any of you know how badly I hated myself for being accepted, and I thought I should just quit to make everyone happy.
He never doubted me: he helped me realize that you guys aren’t friends, you’re just people I need in my life. It was then that I realized I was only friends with you because I was forced to see you 5 times in a week and had no other way around it. I slowly got all of you out of my life, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. You see, I see you guys as a lesson, a very hard lesson in my life. When a snake bites you, you’re supposed to get the venom out immediately. You guys were the snake, and I was the bait. Each and every day you would insert the venom in me and I never took it out. I let the venom stay in me, but he didn’t. He helped me every day get closer and closer to who I wanted to be, not who you wanted me to be. He held my hand through every hard patch in my life, and believe me, there was a lot of those. You guys left me in the dirt, and never even apologized for anything. Let me thank you, though...Thank you for always telling me I was with him to much, or that I wasn’t good enough. Thank you for the venom, it taught me that snakes are dangerous and should never be trusted.
Love,
The Bait.
