We used to be best friends. We did everything together. We saw movies, went out to eat, got coffee way too late at night, and stayed up all night talking when we were supposed to be sleeping. We were inseparable, a dynamic duo. The prime example of what best friends were, if you looked up the definition of best friends, a picture of us popped up. It seemed like nothing could tear us apart. And I felt like I was the best version of who I could be with you. But then I went away to school. And even though I came home almost every weekend, we still didn't hang out. "Let's hang out when you're home" turned into "I can't, I'm too busy this weekend" which became "I don't want to hang out" which ended in you never answering me at all. The daily phone calls and entire days of texting slowly dwindled away to you ignoring me and me left feeling like I did something wrong.
I would have never thought losing a friend could hurt worse than a breakup, but it did. You became part of who I was. You were my other half. I found it hard to explain what happened to us when people asked why they hadn't seen us together lately. I found it hard to tell my mom why I hadn't hung out with you in months. I found it hard to accept that we weren't friends anymore because I didn't know why we weren't.
I had done everything I could to be the best friend anyone could ask for. I answered the phone in the middle of the night when you thought you and your boyfriend were breaking up. I came over and comforted you when you were fighting with him. I did everything for you. But for some reason, it was still never enough. I didn't understand what I did wrong.
But now I understand.
It wasn't me that did anything wrong. It wasn't me at all. I never made you walk away. You walked away. You chose to end our friendship.
Because I stopped serving you. I was no longer there for you to use. You no longer had a reason to pretend I was your best friend. I realize now that you were using me, and using me hard. And when I could no longer be used, you dropped me like a dirty tissue.
I'm a better person now, I've accepted that our friendship was a lie. Things are different now for both of us, I still see you on social media and get the urge to message you but I refrain. You were toxic to me, and took so much life from me. I crossed oceans for you, but you never did the same for me. And I won't do it again. I won't be your puppet. I won't.
So, if you feel the urge to message me someday and ask for my friendship again, please don't.
