18 years. 18 years and you still couldn't get it together. I wonder all the time if it's me? Where did I go wrong? Why wasn't I enough to you? You hid who you really were for so long, but you never fooled me. You broke my family apart and then you left me. You abandoned me. I soon realized that you were really abandoning me the whole time. You weren't a father to me. You didn't do what a "daddy" should do. You weren't who a "daddy" should be. You did things in front of my face for so many years that still affect me today. I have nightmares about some of things I've witnessed because of you. You're probably glad to hear that considering the type of person you are. You always loved having control over someone didn't you? You loved that power, right? If you couldn't have it over my mama then I was the next option because I was your daughter, right? You weren't hard on me because you cared about my well-being, you were hard on me because you just wanted control over someone, right? I've figured you out, huh? Little do you know, I figured you out a long time ago.

You never cared about me and it shows. Everything you did was for your benefit, not anyone else's. You are so good. You are so good at getting into someone's head and brainwashing them. Making them believe you are this perfect guy when in reality you need help. You are disgusting. You disgust me.

You have left wounds in me that I don't think will ever heal. You have caused so many unnecessary problems in my life. You have made growing into a young adult so hard. I push all the good things in my life away because I'm scared of the unknown that they could bring. I'm scared of letting someone in that's just like you. The craziest part is I tend to block the good ones and let the ones that are more like you in because that's all I know. It's sad to think you probably enjoy hearing that. I am here to tell you I refuse to keep doing that. I refuse to settle on someone that doesn't deserve me. You didn't deserve me.

You were my first heartbreak. My first mindbreak too. To this day you're still breaking me. Somedays are worse than others and maybe today is one of those days considering I'm writing this. It's not fair that you have caused me to be not only be daddyless but also mommyless. You broke a bond between a mother and a daughter. Do you know how much I needed my mama at 15? 16? almost 18? These are the times a daughter needs her mama the most and you ruined that for me. You broke everyone and none of it matters to you. You never thought about me or what you were doing to me. I've been through proms, homecomings, and almost all of my senior year with no support from my parents. It's one thing not having you, but it's a whole different story not having my mama in the way I want her. And it's your fault. Who's going to zip my dress up for my last prom? Who am I going to give a rose to on graduation? Not my mama because you took that away from me. You convinced her that you were more important than her own kids and I watched my own mama switch up on me. All. Because. Of. You. I thank God everyday she finally got away from such a cheating, abusive, controlling, drug addict like you, but at the end of the day, her getting away doesn't change the fact that the bond has already been broken beyond repair. And I blame you.

Anxiety and depression. It's a bad thing to have and I want you to know that you've created it. You've created such a negative, worried side of me that I hate. You've made me hate a part of me and that's hard to deal with. It's so hard to fight with your mind telling you that you don't deserve to be here. It's hard to argue with the tears. Most of all, it's hard being happy. But I'm learning. I am learning to choose happiness and that is truly the best feeling ever.

Almost two years ago you told me something and it stuck. You told me that I would be nothing in life and you would be surprised if I even graduated high school. You heard me crying and asking God to help me and you told me that God couldn't help me. Thank you. I could've been a lot of things but I chose to use this as motivation. I'm graduating in 3 months. I've been accepted into several colleges and I cannot wait to start my journey saving people from men like you. I cannot wait to save kids from having a childhood like me. I cannot wait to help people. Oh yeah, and God helped me. He's helping me right now. I even pray you allow Him to help you as well. You broke every piece and part of me but God is rebuilding someone so much better and stronger so thank you. I pray that one day He will even give me the strength to forgive you, but today, I can't do that.

There's been plenty of days I've wondered if my prayers ever made it through the ceiling. I've wondered what would happen to me next. I've wondered if I deserved to be here. So many things have went through my head and I'm sure I will always have my own problems because of you so congratulations on that. However, I am learning how to accept things and make myself better because of them. You no longer control me. Tonight, right now, I am setting you free. Who I want to be is now up to ME. You've left your mark and it hurts, but you're no longer writing my story, I AM. It's my turn to be in control.

Sincerely,

A Daughter You Never Really Deserved.