First off, you are all idiots and I love you guys. There have been countless times over the course of our friendship when I have asked myself “Why do I surround myself with these people?” Then I realize that I am one of “those people.”
But seriously, thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me a sub-par Catholic middle school basketball league that allowed an overweight (ladies I’m hot now I swear) shooting guard like myself to thrive, those were the best years of my career. Thank you for coping with puberty right along with me, my 6-year-old brother could make fun of me for my acne, but you guys couldn’t because you had the same problem. Thank you for the heated basement wrestling matches that came out of nowhere, much reminiscent of the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight – a lot of dancing around and very little actual fighting. Speaking of dancing, thank you for making school dances much less awkward, the slow songs (when we actually had to interact with girls) were brutal, but those body odor filled mosh pits were unforgettable. Thank you for giving me the best teammates ever, from eating acorns to the countless golf balls we hit on to the highway, that was the hardest I have ever laughed.
Thank you for giving me some solid "bro-sessions" while the girls of our grade were having sleepovers to decide who they should put in the friend zone next. Speaking of girls, thank you for being there when my seventh-grade girlfriend ripped my heart out of my chest, threw it on the ground and stomped on it with her size four shoe. Thank you for not doing your homework right along with me. I don’t think any of us know what happened in "A Tale of Two Cities."
Oh and thank you to that one friend in our group that would fill us in on what we actually needed to know for the test right before the test. Thank you for telling me that my band wasn’t nearly as good as I thought it was. Iif any music producers are reading this, it was kind of a mix between Justin Bieber, Ed Sheeran, Wiz Khalifa, Calvin Harris, and Luke Bryan. Thank you for the years of verbal abuse, you turned me from a cocky kid to a humble kid with fat cheeks and weird hair. Thank you for spreading all those ridiculous rumors with me, I think everyone truly believed that David Spade was coming to our school to give an abstinence talk. And finally, thank you for being weird, stupid, funny, dumb, smart, cute, idiots right along with me, you guys are the reason I am who I am today. Without you I wouldn’t be in school anymore and my rap career would be just about to take off.
