An Open Letter to My Bipolar Disorder
Start writing a post
Featured

An Open Letter to My Bipolar Disorder

I hate you.

1800
An Open Letter to My Bipolar Disorder
Felicia Elgin-Gordon

I hate you.

You've made me a walking contradiction.

I hate it when you keep me up at night.

I hate the constant anxiety.

I hate the day to day mood swings, never knowing which personality is going to take control today.

I hate you.

I hate the days when my depression seems like a crushing weight of despair. And my own willingness to move from my bed is non existent.

I hate you.

I hate the days when my mind goes a million miles an hour. My train of thought is more like five trains going in three directions just waiting to collide with each other.

I hate you.

When my brain can’t focus. When my mind won’t be quiet. When I’m up all night because you have control and you won’t let me rest. The next day when my mind is rolling with random thoughts all day and my body says stop. But I can’t. I can’t because you’re all consuming. You’re symptoms are endless.


I hate you.

I hate you Bc you make me feel insecure. I feel like everyone is watching. And yet sometimes you make me feel invincible. Like a superhero. I wish you would make up your mind.

I hate you.

We are not friends. You’ve take over my life like an unwanted parasite. Consuming my personality. My mind never settles and I can never complete a single task. My mind never stops. Sometimes I’m up for days and that’s okay with you. But sometimes I can’t get enough sleep and I just lay in bed wishing for oblivion and that’s okay with you too.

I hate you.

You make me isolate from my friends. My family. You tell me I’m too much a burden for them and they’re better off without me. I should take care of myself. But at the same time I can’t take care of myself. I can’t do a single thing without a task list or a set of instructions. I can’t focus long enough to remember to eat or shower. I can’t manage my money because you tell me to spend it all. I can’t do it.

I hate you.

I didn’t ask for you. You just came and invaded my life and turned it upside down and sideways.

I hate you.

But I also love you.

You make me crafty, artistic. You gave me a love for the spontaneous. You gave me an eccentric personality that comes in handy when I meet new people. I’m fearless because of you. You made me multifaceted. You made me more organized.

I love you.

And I hate you.

So thanks.

Sincerely your host.

Report this Content
How to Use Your Passion for Writing to Complete Academic Essays

Academic paper writing is often considered one of the most dreaded parts of college for students. Most people hate it, even if they are into writing in general. Many students feel like it puts them into a box where no creative expression is possible. Like having to use a more formal tone of voice and thinking about referencing restricts one’s flow of thought.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

How Long Would It Take To Mine A Bitcoin?

No one will give you the correct answer to this question because there are a lot of details that they need to know. But, you can roughly estimate it based on the equipment you have a few more factors. One thing that needs to be mentioned is that mining has changed a lot over the years.

54313
Mine A Bitcoin

they need to know. But, you can roughly estimate it based on the equipment you have a few more factors. One thing that needs to be mentioned is that mining has changed a lot over the years.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

5 Cakes You Need to Try This Winter

Spending the winter trying different cakes can be a great way to combat seasonal depression. Lift the spirits of your entire family by trying these five cakes.

54716
Try This Winter

The winter can be a dull time spent indoors with very little change. But, it doesn't have to be that way. There are plenty of ways to spice up your daily routine, and dessert is one of them.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

5 Reasons to Consider a Career as a Defense Lawyer

Lawyers are supposed to be unbiased. Lawyers are trained to look at both sides of an issue and give equal weight to each side. It is meant to be their mantra, "My client is innocent until proven guilty."

118551
Career as a Defense Lawyer

Lawyers are supposed to be unbiased. Lawyers are trained to look at both sides of an issue and give equal weight to each side. It is meant to be their mantra, "My client is innocent until proven guilty." But if you're thinking about becoming a defense attorney, it's not this pretty simple. Defense lawyers argue that their clients are innocent because they don't want their actions to seem suspect in any way. They essentially say for the sake of the argument itself. If you're trying to decide whether or not becoming a defense attorney is something you would like to do, here are five reasons why it's worth considering:

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

What Everyone Should Know About Online Degrees

Nowadays, many working adults, high school graduates, and retired lifelong learners are choosing to advance their careers, lives, and personal knowledge by completing school at home.

210414
Online Degrees

The rising popularity of online college and graduate school degrees has completely changed the face of education and student life. It's no longer necessary to pack up all your belongings and head off to a distant locale in order to earn a diploma. Nowadays, many working adults, high school graduates, and retired lifelong learners are choosing to advance their careers, lives, and personal knowledge by completing school at home.

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments