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An Open Letter to My Bipolar Disorder

I hate you.

Felgingordon

Oct 16, 2021

2849

Felicia Elgin-Gordon

I hate you.

You've made me a walking contradiction.

I hate it when you keep me up at night.

I hate the constant anxiety.

I hate the day to day mood swings, never knowing which personality is going to take control today.

I hate you.

I hate the days when my depression seems like a crushing weight of despair. And my own willingness to move from my bed is non existent.

I hate you.

I hate the days when my mind goes a million miles an hour. My train of thought is more like five trains going in three directions just waiting to collide with each other.

I hate you.

When my brain can’t focus. When my mind won’t be quiet. When I’m up all night because you have control and you won’t let me rest. The next day when my mind is rolling with random thoughts all day and my body says stop. But I can’t. I can’t because you’re all consuming. You’re symptoms are endless.

I hate you.

I hate you Bc you make me feel insecure. I feel like everyone is watching. And yet sometimes you make me feel invincible. Like a superhero. I wish you would make up your mind.

I hate you.

We are not friends. You’ve take over my life like an unwanted parasite. Consuming my personality. My mind never settles and I can never complete a single task. My mind never stops. Sometimes I’m up for days and that’s okay with you. But sometimes I can’t get enough sleep and I just lay in bed wishing for oblivion and that’s okay with you too.

I hate you.

You make me isolate from my friends. My family. You tell me I’m too much a burden for them and they’re better off without me. I should take care of myself. But at the same time I can’t take care of myself. I can’t do a single thing without a task list or a set of instructions. I can’t focus long enough to remember to eat or shower. I can’t manage my money because you tell me to spend it all. I can’t do it.

I hate you.

I didn’t ask for you. You just came and invaded my life and turned it upside down and sideways.

I hate you.

But I also love you.

You make me crafty, artistic. You gave me a love for the spontaneous. You gave me an eccentric personality that comes in handy when I meet new people. I’m fearless because of you. You made me multifaceted. You made me more organized.

I love you.

And I hate you.

So thanks.

Sincerely your host.

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25 Beatles Lyrics: Your Go-To Guide for Every Situation

The Best Lines from the Fab Four

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For as long as I can remember, I have been listening to The Beatles. Every year, my mom would appropriately blast “Birthday” on anyone’s birthday. I knew all of the words to “Back In The U.S.S.R” by the time I was 5 (Even though I had no idea what or where the U.S.S.R was). I grew up with John, Paul, George, and Ringo instead Justin, JC, Joey, Chris and Lance (I had to google N*SYNC to remember their names). The highlight of my short life was Paul McCartney in concert twice. I’m not someone to “fangirl” but those days I fangirled hard. The music of The Beatles has gotten me through everything. Their songs have brought me more joy, peace, and comfort. I can listen to them in any situation and find what I need. Here are the best lyrics from The Beatles for every and any occasion.

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Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

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An Open Letter to My Bipolar Disorder

I hate you.

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The Best Lines from the Fab Four

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you

Love is old, love is new, love is all, love is you

There's nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be

Life is very short, and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend

He say, "I know you, you know me", One thing I can tell you is you got to be free

Oh please, say to me, You'll let me be your man. And please say to me, You'll let me hold your hand

It was twenty years ago today, Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play. They've been going in and out of style, but they're guaranteed to raise a smile

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see

Can you hear me? When it rains and shine, it's just a state of mind

Little darling, it's been long cold lonely winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it' s been here. Here comes the sun, Here comes the sun, and I say it's alright

We danced through the night and we held each other tight, and before too long I fell in love with her. Now, I'll never dance with another when I saw her standing there

I love you, I love you, I love you, that's all I want to say

You say you want a revolution. Well you know, we all want to change the world

All the lonely people, where do they all come from. All the lonely people, where do they all belong

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends

Hey Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday

And when the brokenhearted people, living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be.

And anytime you feel the pain, Hey Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders

I'll give you all I got to give if you say you'll love me too. I may not have a lot to give but what I got I'll give to you. I don't care too much for money. Money can't buy me love

All you need is love, love is all you need

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Blackbird singing in the dead of night, Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before. I know I'll often stop and think about them. In my life, I love you more

Obviously the best superpower.

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

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