I hate you.
You've made me a walking contradiction.
I hate it when you keep me up at night.
I hate the constant anxiety.
I hate the day to day mood swings, never knowing which personality is going to take control today.
I hate you.
I hate the days when my depression seems like a crushing weight of despair. And my own willingness to move from my bed is non existent.
I hate you.
I hate the days when my mind goes a million miles an hour. My train of thought is more like five trains going in three directions just waiting to collide with each other.
I hate you.
When my brain can’t focus. When my mind won’t be quiet. When I’m up all night because you have control and you won’t let me rest. The next day when my mind is rolling with random thoughts all day and my body says stop. But I can’t. I can’t because you’re all consuming. You’re symptoms are endless.
I hate you.
I hate you Bc you make me feel insecure. I feel like everyone is watching. And yet sometimes you make me feel invincible. Like a superhero. I wish you would make up your mind.
I hate you.
We are not friends. You’ve take over my life like an unwanted parasite. Consuming my personality. My mind never settles and I can never complete a single task. My mind never stops. Sometimes I’m up for days and that’s okay with you. But sometimes I can’t get enough sleep and I just lay in bed wishing for oblivion and that’s okay with you too.
I hate you.
You make me isolate from my friends. My family. You tell me I’m too much a burden for them and they’re better off without me. I should take care of myself. But at the same time I can’t take care of myself. I can’t do a single thing without a task list or a set of instructions. I can’t focus long enough to remember to eat or shower. I can’t manage my money because you tell me to spend it all. I can’t do it.
I hate you.
I didn’t ask for you. You just came and invaded my life and turned it upside down and sideways.
I hate you.
But I also love you.
You make me crafty, artistic. You gave me a love for the spontaneous. You gave me an eccentric personality that comes in handy when I meet new people. I’m fearless because of you. You made me multifaceted. You made me more organized.
I love you.
And I hate you.
So thanks.
Sincerely your host.
