Dear you,

I want you to know that writing this letter did not come easily for me, that I had spent months figuring out what exactly to put in this. There were parts of my life that I wished you were there for, but then I finally understood that growing up without was actually best for me. Although we don't talk and we really stay clear of one another, and to be honest, I like it better that way. This is not a letter expressing my hatred for you, but rather the opposite, a thank you for not being there. I do not mean to hurt you with my words, but it is time someone says something and we all know that you will not be the one to start the conversation.

I want to be mad at you. I want to be able to stand up for myself and tell you that you ruined my life, but it just isn't the case. Going through life from middle school until now my early 20s without you was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I had many people take your place. My mom, my grandparents, my mom's friends, friends parents, and the list goes on and on.

For years I have been waiting for you to step up and be a father. A phone call would be all it would take, not just one phone call but, a regular phone call. An easy request to go out to eat and talk, however, if you did that we would be sitting across from one another in awkward silence. Now while that is both of our faults, as your daughter it is not my job to try to foster this relationship. I tried for many years to try to foster some sort of relationship between us, but you always seemed less than interested.

You have made very little effort in trying to get to know me, your own daughter. This would be different if you lived states away, or even across the world, however you live minutes away. MINUTES. I have your phone number, I know how to get ahold of you and the same goes towards you. But I have no desire to do so. You are the one with the title "dad" but the reason you were granted that title was that you are half of the reason I am alive right now.

I have tried countless times to figure out why we are like this. I blamed myself for years. I cried many tears because I thought that maybe we weren't good enough for you. I tried to make you proud. No daughter should feel this way. I know you love me and my sister, although you don't show it. I know that we are not high on your priority list, but sometimes I wish we were. You repeated pick your new family over your own two kids, and I will never understand how you can just throw your kids out, yet be so nice to your new kids.

You are just not needed.

Not having you in my life has made me strong, powerful, careful and happy. I was able to experience things differently from my friends. I was able to experience an overabundance of love and support from my mom and grandparents. I built a relationship with my mom that is twice as strong as it would be if you were still around.

For years I watched my mom grow alongside me. She wanted only the very best for me and my sister and did whatever she needed to ensure that we had it. She knew that early morning and long nights would be hard in the given moment, but help me in the long run. I hope that one day I am at least half of the women that she was and twice the parent you could ever be.

Most importantly I am proud of myself. I am proud that I made it through high school, and that I will be graduating college in a few months. I was able to accomplish all of that without you. I'm proud of myself that I finally understand that my life is perfect without in it, even though I spent years trying to figure out why you weren't apart of my life. I have an incredible family that supports me in every way, I have friends who are always around me and lift me even when I'm down. I am proud that I was finally able to realize that I did not need you because I have plenty of positive male figures in my life such as my grandfather, stepdad and uncles.

All in all, the choice is up to you. Choose to have a relationship with me or not. I promise I am not trying to hurt you if you choose to read this. If this does hurt you, just now that hurt is sometimes the result of love. I am saying what needs to be said. I am going to take advantage of what this world has given me. I am going to take on this adventure called life if you're here or not.

With love,

Your daughter