Strap in folks because I just saw an extremely misogynistic post on social media that made my blood boil. It was a photo that displayed a man smoking a cigar next to a list titled, “21 Men Rules That Girls Should Know." I’m not sure who wrote it because there is no attribution but I would like to post an open rebuttal to these statements.
I'm going to write out the rules and address them one by one...
CAUTION- INTENSE RANTING AHEAD!
1. Men are not mind readers.
Thank goodness. Wouldn’t want you seeing all my fantasies about Orlando Bloom.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat, you’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. You don’t hear us complaining about when you leave it down.
How about you put the seat and the lid down so we both have some lifting to do and so your bodily fluids don’t get sprayed all over the bathroom when you flush because that’s totally a thing that happens? Also, if I’m a “big girl”, refer to me as a woman or a lady. Thanks.
3. Crying is blackmail.
Never give us a reason to cry in the first place?
4. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints don’t work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Stop calling us easy, sluts, and whores when we try to make the first move!!!!!!!
5. “Yes” and “no” are perfectly acceptable answers to most questions.
HAHAHAHA!!!! I’m going to start doing this with my boyfriend and see how quickly he gets annoyed. "Where do you want to eat?" “Yes.” "What time are you going to get home?" “No.” "How many eggs do we have left?" “Yes.” "Does this rule make any logical sense?" “NO!!!!!”
6. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Fine. We’ll keep all our problems secret…especially our problems with you. That way when we finally wise up and dump you it comes as a complete shock and you never had a chance to fix it! This rule makes me angry because it implies that all men are unfeeling monsters, incapable of sympathy, which I know is completely false.
Sometimes all us ladies need is a shoulder to cry on, and I know plenty of men are happy to “help” in that way. If a person truly lacks sympathy that is a symptom of sociopathy, which can be a dangerous mental condition. Just sayin’.
7. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
OKAY. If you said something so hurtful that a woman brings it up after 6 months then you deserve to be punished for it; you deserve to be reminded of the pain you caused her because she is obviously still hurt by the comment.
Try apologizing instead of telling her to drop it or forget about it. Try explaining how you no longer feel the way you felt when you said it. Try explaining that the comment was said out of negativity and that it was wrong. That’s all it takes.
8. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
Wow. I hope whoever wrote this never has a daughter because she will most likely have body image issues for the rest of her life. Almost all young women have a period full of doubt about their bodies. I remember getting my first 2-piece bathing suit when I was 11 years old. I asked my dad if it was too revealing or if it made me look “chubby”. I’m so blessed I had a dad who told me I looked fine. He didn’t say I looked fat or slutty or anything to discourage me from wearing it. He gave me the freedom to wear what I felt comfortable in.
If a woman asks you if she looks fat, she is suffering. Her mind is torturing her already, so DO NOT make it worse. If she is UNHEALTHY due to her weight, explain in a nurturing and non-judgmental way that you are worried about her HEALTH, not her appearance.
9. If something can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Miscommunications happen, not only between men and women, but between everyone. If you are incapable of defending what you say, don’t speak.
10. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know the best way to do something, do it yourself.
This is a contradiction.
11. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Okay okay, this one makes sense. I understand the annoyance of having someone talk over what you want to watch but if we have a relevant question or comment don’t shut us down. We’re trying to understand or share our experience with you. Sometimes watching in total silence is boring!
12. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we…
LMAOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! If your pride makes us late to something I will embarrass you by telling every single person there that you got lost and were too much of a wiener to ask for directions or even open Google Maps. Pride is one of the seven deadly sins. Pettiness is not.
13. Men only see 16 colors. Peach, for example is a fruit not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Peach is the color of a peach. Pumpkin is the color of a pumpkin. Are you just blind in general? If you don’t know what mauve is, I can easily explain. I can’t understand why you think it’s bad to know the names of colors that surround you. Why do you want to have the same color knowledge as a 2-year-old? Mature.
14. If asked what is wrong and you say “nothing” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying but it is just not worth the hassle.
All these previous rules prove that you do not care about our emotions or problems at all, so why on Earth would we bother talking to you about it? If you consistently tell us our problems are not real, our emotions make us crazy, or we annoy you, we will stop communicating. That’s what you wanted all along though, right?
15. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear…
Well according to Rule Number 5 you’re only allowed to answer questions with “Yes” or “No”.
16. When we have to go somewhere, anything you wear is fine… really.
When a woman asks, “What should I wear?” or “Do I look okay?” she wants to make sure she looks good FOR YOU! She is trying to impress you. She wants to make sure that you think she is the most beautiful woman in the room.
If a woman gives you permission to help her choose her outfit, she is giving you control over her appearance, which is a huge display of trust. Humor her. She’ll feel confident and like she matters to you. If you do not want your woman to feel confident or like she can trust youthen you have some serious problems.
17. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or motorsports.
This rule implies men are only capable of thinking about traditionally manly things and no woman would ever be interested in such things. First of all, when a woman asks this question it is most likely because she perceives that there is something heavy on your mind, such as stress. She wants you to talk to her so that she can help you.
Second of all, every man I know has a brain that is capable of original and beautiful thoughts, not just FOOTBALL BEER AND BOOBS!!!!! It’s belittling to state otherwise. While it is perfectly acceptable to think of all those things, it is unfair to assume those can be the only topics of conversation brought on by that question.
18. You have enough clothes.
If she makes her own money she can buy whatever she wants so shut the hell up. If she doesn’t, find a woman who does make her own money and shut the hell up. If you’re too intimidated by working-class women to date one, then also shut the hell up and make your stay at home woman happy? Why date a woman you need to financially support and then deny her of things that would make her happy?
19. You have too many shoes.
You have too many opinions…
20. I am in shape, round is a shape.
If your woman calls you fat, leave her. If she says you need to get in shape because she is starting to get concerned about your health, you need to either take a look at your lifestyle and evaluate her concerns because she wants what is best for you, or leave her too. If you are comfortable with your body, you deserve someone who is comfortable with it too.
21. Thank you for reading this, yes, I know, I’m sleeping on the couch tonight... but did you know men don’t really mind that? It’s like camping…
If you send these rules to the woman you are involved with and she does not get offended she can come talk to me. I’ll explain to her about a thousand reasons why she should be offended. If you want to sleep on the couch for the rest of your life, be my guest. You don’t deserve a relationship if you think this level of misogyny is acceptable.
Call me a femi-nazi, call me a raging b-!-t-c-h, call me whatever the hell you want. Posts like this make women feel that they must be obedient and tolerate verbal/mental abuse in relationships to 'please their man'. Posts like this teach young boys that society accepts verbally/mentally abusive behavior as normal. They are being taught that if they do not feel the way these rules cue them to feel than they are not manly. Also, this post is hetero-normative but we’ll save that rant for another day…
Relationships are supposed to be an equal partnership built on love, mutual trust, and understanding. Relationships are not supposed to be setting rules, being constantly annoyed, hiding feelings, or belittling one another. If this post is meant as nothing more than a 'harmless' joke, well I’m not laughing. Taken out of context, all of the damaging intent is implied. If you think this post is funny, then you believe the spread of mental abuse of women and toxic masculinity is funny. Case closed.
