It's been two and a half years without hearing your laugh.
You never think that the last time is the last time. You think there will be more. You think you have forever. But you don't.
I'll never forget our first holidays without you. The doctors told us, they warned us that you wouldn't have until the holidays, but that didn't seem real. Not until September 30th rolled around and all of a sudden we didn't get you for our November birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, or your birthday.
Every single day is a new day without you, a new battle to face. And although you're not here physically with us, I know that you're with us every step of the way mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The second time I ever went to go visit you by myself, I had quite the experience and that's when I was officially convinced that although you seemed worlds apart, you will always be right by my side. I was saying my goodbyes, "Alright grandpa, I have to go now." And the sun hid behind the clouds and all of a sudden it got very dark and looked as though it may storm, but I continued, "but don't worry, I'll be coming back soon, I love and miss you so much." & the sun came back out & it was shining brighter than it had been at all that day.
There are so many things that I want to tell you and show you. Talking to an empty room at 2 o'clock in the morning or talking to your grave at 5 in the afternoon just doesn't cut it at times when I want you to tell me someone didn't mean what they said, or when I need to hear everything will be alright in the end. I'm saddened for all of my friends that hadn't gotten the privilege to get to know you but rather all they get of you are the countless stories and endless tears.
We all go through our daily struggles, sometimes I hear dad blasting Dancing in the Sky at 8 o'clock at night and I know he's missing you. Sometimes I'll catch mom laughing at a video on Facebook that I didn't find funny, but we both know you would've had tears falling from your eyes while your famous laugh rung through the house, and we both wish so badly that you were here just to hear that laugh one more time. Sometimes grandma will tell me stories about you and I can tell she would give up the absolute world just to relive them one last time, and every once in a while I'll catch myself out at your grave again, telling you all about my day, and my friends, and how I've been feeling, because you're the one person who is always listening, and without saying a word, you make me feel 10 times better.
Sometimes when I tell the story of how Sunday night, all of Monday, & Tuesday morning played out, I cry. When I tell someone how your eyes shot open so fast when grandma had said, "Dick, it's your favorite Nova Lea," I smile. When I tell someone about how you used to wake me up by stomping really loud, making me do the dishes with you, and letting me sit with you in the computer room playing games waiting for grandma to wake up, I laugh because even if I was 15 and you were 64, our daily mornings never changed and you were always one of my best friends.
I love and miss you madly, grandpa. I hope heaven is treating you well. Fishing, hunting, and always happy. I'll see you. Love always, your favorite Nova Lea.
