Dear Friend,
I knew you when you were vibrant, free and confident. That you, is somewhere in the past now, and I miss her. You may have been a friend, my best friend, or I may have hardly known you at all, but whoever you were to me, you aren’t that girl anymore.
You might have changed when you met the man you’ll end up marrying. You might have changed when you started dating your “best friend" or you may have changed when you finally got official with the person you were casually sleeping with. But, you were lost when you started blowing off your friends to spend time exclusively with your significant other.
What is hard about this for me, as your friend, is while you replace characters in your life with this one person, I’m left standing in the dust while I lose an important character in my life.
Now let me clarify, I’m all for romantic relationships, but I am not for codependent romantic relationships. I am totally for watching you flourish and develop with a person who enhances who you are. I am not for watching you stagnate, disintegrate and suffocate while they steal your shine, and I want to tell you a few things I think you need to hear.
It’s okay to not spend all your time with your significant other.
In all budding romances, it’s always difficult to find a happy medium between spending time with your new partner and spending time with everyone else in your life. Then when you add in class schedules, work schedules, homework and extra circular activities that window of free time decreases even more. With a limited amount of time in the day, it’s important to remember if you aren’t spending every moment with your significant other, it’s okay. If your relationship is healthy and strong time apart won’t damage anything. In fact, it could make the time you spend together more valuable.
If you relationship is unhealthy, please have the courage to seek help.
If you are in a relationship where your partner is manipulative, mean, condescending or physically abusive, please, please, please seek help. There is no reason for you to tolerate someone treating you with anything but respect, kindness, compassion and love. If someone is rude to you, makes you feel bad about yourself, or is harming you in any way then they are not worth the wonderful, beautiful, amazing person that you are. You shouldn’t settle for less. Just because they are the person interested in you now does not mean they will be the only person interested in you. There are eight billion people on the earth, and plenty of those eight billion will realize what a catch you are and treat you as such.
Even though you have been missing from my life, I still love you.
Last, I want you to know even though you have been absent in my life that does not mean I want my life to continue that way. I still love you and value your friendship, even though right now it seems nearly nonexistent. You are an amazing person and I am anxiously awaiting the end of this phase. You are a great friend and wonderful person. And, above anything, I miss you so much.
Relationships are hard and friendships are hard, but please take a moment to think about your relationship with your significant other — and with your friends. If you haven’t seen your friends for a while, we miss you. And we want you to have the strength to find a way to prioritize so we can continue to be a part of your life.
Love,
The people who miss you dearly
