Dear...dear....okay cut it with the formalities, I'm just going to get started.
As an Asperger's individual, I wear a mask every day. It's the "I'm perfectly fine without any of you idiots look." I wear it to hide the feeling in my gut that tells me everyone hates me.
I don't ask people to hang out because I don't want them to think of me as clingy. I tend to push people away in fear that they'll do that to me first. I refuse to eat in front of most of you because I don't want to look like a pig.
Long story short, I live every single day with paranoia. It makes me extremely self-righteous and even mean sometimes. I try to control it, but sometimes I lose the battle. It's exhausting fighting with your own brain every day and sometimes I just want to be a normal 21-year-old.
But this is near impossible thanks to the mental disorder I was cursed with at birth. And the way society treats Aspies doesn't help. Some days I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.
But I DO wake up every day and attempt to live normally thanks to most of you. Especially my fellow Aspies and RIC students. You know who you are. And if I'm being honest, you guys are what makes living this life bearable.
I've had people tell me to take more medication for my problems, but it's honestly the worst thing you could do to me. The best thing you could do for me is to just ask if I'm okay. Ask if I want to hang out.
I do try sometimes, but there is a chemical imbalance in my brain that makes this difficult. I thank all those who take the time to read this letter, and who make the effort to talk to me and hang out. Please don't stop.
I'm still figuring out how to pay the favors, but one day, I promise I will try to give you the best possible thing I can.
Lots of love,
The Dark Blonde in Browne (now Penfield) Hall