This isn’t going to be awkward. It was awkward at the time--awkward, hurtful and uncomfortable. But this letter isn’t for you, it’s for me. How often do you think about me, wonder what I am doing, who I am with, or if that guy I was talking to at the time ever fizzled out? Do you ever think about all the secrets we told each other, how much we knew about each other, all that useless information that floats through our head just to remind us that we aren’t friends anymore?

Sometimes, I dwell on what I could’ve done. What made us fizzle out? Was I annoying, did I text you too much? Were there times when you just couldn’t stand me? Or did I do something to hurt you? Did I offend you in some way? Did my family come off too strong? What was it that made you decide I was no longer worthy of being in your life?

I used to blame myself for it all. I mean, you stopped talking to me. It was you who decided I wasn’t good enough. It almost felt like an episode of "Mean Girls," but you were Regina George and I wasn’t even pretty enough to be Cady Herron. Through the nights of staring at the few text messages weren’t answered, I realized something.

It wasn’t my fault.

In fact, it wasn’t anyone’s fault.

Somewhere between complaining to my boyfriend and my new best friend about how you didn’t care, I realized I didn’t care anymore. I don’t blame you anymore. I realize sometimes people just don’t mesh. I realize that eventually, two people can become oil and water. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out and I realize that.

I hope what you’re doing now is worthwhile. I hope your mom and you finally got over that fight you had. I hope your sister still is doing a lot better since she got sick. I hope that whatever you’re studying is exactly what you imagined you were going to. I hope you think about me, too, and wonder what I’m doing and how I’ve been.

If ever you need help, I will still be here. If you ever need to talk, I will still be here. I will always be here. However, I am not waiting for the text back like I used to be. I do not check my phone all the time waiting to see if your name will pop up. I am not going to fake smile every time someone mentions your name. At the end of the day, you stopped meaning so much to me. I don’t look at things and wonder what you would think about them.

At the end of the day, I grew up. I hope you did, too.

Sincerely,

Me