Hey, it’s me.

Look, I know we haven’t talked in awhile. It’s almost like you’ve been ignoring me, but whatever. I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed. Remember when we used to hang out? Like all the time? You used to be mine, and maybe it was stupid, but I guess I hoped we’d stay together. Maybe not forever, that’d be too cliche, but at least for a couple more years. Do you even remember the good bits? Remember when you first met me? Before we were even, like, together? We’d just hang out by ourselves.

Watch movies together, go on runs together, eat dinner together. You didn’t really have many friends, so it’d just be us. You’d always check your phone like you thought someone was actually going to text you. It was kind of cute in a desperate sort of way. And we had that one glorious summer, all to ourselves. You even got fit for me. It was so sweet.

You never were that attractive with all that extra padding, but you actually listened to me when I told you how you looked. Most people just shrug it off or ignore it, but you really took it to heart. All those runs, all those bike rides, all those weights. God, you were sexy then. You even went on a diet for me. All those plates of carrots and quarter sandwiches, it was so cute. You looked so good with your ribs sticking out. And of course you didn’t tell anyone. I was your secret. It was so cheesily, romantically, perfect.

And then something changed.

You met someone else, didn’t you? Someone else to spend your days with? To watch movies with and eat with and fool around with? Was it exciting? Was she as good as me? It must have been hard to be involved with two people at the same time.

God knows I stretch myself thin sometimes, but you...you really made a go of it, didn’t you? Such a shame that things turned out like they did. Guess she wasn’t as different from me as you thought, huh? Is that why you dumped her? Why you broke her heart? She didn’t make you feel good about yourself anymore? Or did you just miss me? You did come back, after a while. Just like I knew you would. You were such a little bitch about it too, crying and begging. You’d been hanging out with my sister's depression too much, and you wanted me back.

Poor, sad little boy.

It wasn’t meant to be though, was it? I guess I must’ve held on too tight that time, because pretty soon you were back in bed with my sister. You scoundrel. She must’ve been lower maintenance than me because you were with her for a long time after that. I didn’t see you again for over a year. That was cruel of you to ignore me for so long. Why did you do that? You knew I wanted to see you. But you were just gone. Didn’t call, didn’t text, nothing. Do you know how that made me feel? Fucking terrible. I was scared, I was alone, I was heartbroken. Just like you were, when I first found you. And you just abandoned me.

I had to find you all over again.

Thank God I did, because you were having the time of your life with that girl you met at school. Lord knows what would’ve happened if I hadn’t intervened. I could tell she was bad for you the minute I saw her. The way she’d make you smile, the way she’d make you feel good about yourself. She made you lazy. She made you soft. And it took me awhile, but I whipped you back into shape. That summer was almost as good as our first. I wasn’t thrilled about having to share you with someone else, but as long as I had you I could live with just about anything.

Remember when I’d wake you up in the middle of the night and we’d hang out just like the old days? Or when we wouldn’t go to sleep at all, but just lay awake and watch movies or talk? God, that was wonderful. She could never spoil that. And you fell in love with me again. You gave yourself over to me so completely. Mind, soul, even your body. You let me run my hands over you, stroke you, caress you, make you feel special. We must’ve scared her, mustn’t we? The way I’d move your body, so sudden and so violently? She cried a few times. Probably felt helpless, watching me move you like that.

How tragic.

She should have known better than to steal you from me. But whatever. The important thing is that we were together. But I must’ve been the lazy one that time. I must not have been paying attention, because at some point I realized we weren’t the same. It wasn’t that you were gone, it’s just that you weren’t there any more. Not like you used to be. And it wasn’t just her. She was still there, for some reason, but you were different. I tried talking to you, I tried holding you, I tried everything, but you just weren’t interested. You didn’t ignore me, really, you just... didn’t care. Like I didn’t matter to you anymore.

I’d still wake you up sometimes, still do. Sometimes you even stay up with me, so distracted by me that it doesn’t even matter that she’s up with you. But that’s just it. I’m the distraction. I used to be your life, and now I’m just some girl you fool around with when you get lonely. When I keep you up in the night, the next morning your back to being happy.

Without me.

So I guess that’s why I wrote this.

Because that’s a really horrible feeling. I’m your best, oldest friend, and now it’s like I just don’t matter. And after everything I’ve done for you, you think I’m just going to sit here and let that happen? No way. You asshole. You think you’re special or something? You think that just because you got a new girlfriend, a new apartment, a new life that you can just, what? Just leave me behind? Screw you. I’m never going to stop. I’m never going to leave you alone.

I’m going to be around every corner, under every bed, in every closet for the rest of your life. And I hope I make you miserable. I hope you choke on me. I hate you. They all hate you. Even your little girlfriend. You’re a weird, fat, talentless, friendless loser. Who would ever love you? Except me. You know that, right? You know I’ll always love you no matter what. Whatever happens, whatever you say or do you can always come back to me. I’m sorry about what I said earlier. You know I didn’t mean it, right? Right? Come back to me, baby. I miss you.

Love,

Anxiety