Hello world, and all who inhabit it. I’m a girl, and I hate eating healthy. I hate everything about the idea of eating healthy—except the abs part of it.

I’m a girl who weighs a number that shall not be mentioned, but I’m okay with that number. I have this thing called a “comfortable tummy”, and it’s the best term I’ve ever been told. Not only does it hype my self-esteem, but when I’m eating a gallon of ice cream and start thinking about the calories, it makes me feel better. So girls, body image isn’t a thing. The only body image you should have is imagining your body smiling at you for feeding it sugar sometimes. (I’m NOT saying only eat unhealthy things. I’m saying your body NEEDS sugar sometimes, do not deprive it of it’s happiness.)

So, boys or girls, eat whatever the heck you want. We live in a society which relies on having abs and a nicely toned butt to survive in this world—which isn’t the most important thing you’ll ever want to have. You’ll want to have a date at an ice cream parlor, and it would be rude to not eat just because you’re afraid of a little weight gain. On those hot summer days, you’ll be craving some sugar and something cold, and what could that possibly be…

(I’m also one of those girls that will be eating ice cream sundaes when it’s -10 degrees outside, but that’s beside the point.)