Dear someone who’s hurting,

First and foremost, please know that you’re allowed to be hurting and not know what to do. You’re allowed to feel weak and unsure. It’s okay to put yourself first and to feel comfortable walking away. You’re allowed to get angry, and mad, and upset. It is okay to feel. It breaks my heart knowing he has taken these things away from you, that he has stolen your voice, your sparkle, your smile. It scares me knowing that the bruises will just get darker and your pride will just start to decrease. It worries me knowing he tells you sweet nothings in between every cruel and harsh slap and it worries me more that you believe him. That you believe a good man is inside a faceless human with shaking fists and a blank stare.

Why do we harm the ones we love and why do we believe they will change? It baffles me how strong women and men get taken to their knees time after time, again and again just to get up and hold their head so low. My friend, do you not believe you are enough? Do you not think you are worthy of love and respect? Who did this to you sweet girl. Who made you believe that you were unworthy of love and support? Who made you believe that bruised eyes and hurt feelings were what love was all about? I wish someone told you men were not made to hit women. I wish you learned from an early age that love is not measured by I’m sorrys and “I won’t do it again.” I want you to know my friend that I am not here to judge you like he does, I am not here to put you down or make you feel less than whole. I am here to let you know that I worry because I care. I care about the smile on your face and I worry about all the times that you had to suffer alone. And I am so sorry you did it alone, that you didn’t feel like someone would care, believe you, or understand.

And frankly my love, I cannot understand but I wish I did. I wish I had all the right answers and the ability to wipe your memory of him because how amazing would that be to erase every purple mark on your flawless skin, to remove every bad dream that is your reality? I am proud of you, so proud. The way you can still carelessly laugh and smile while still knowing what awaits when you walk through your front door. How scary that must be, I can truly not imagine. My dear friend, passion after pain is not love. Lust instead of love is not true. What must I do to prove this to you? They say you must let people learn from their mistakes but this is not your fault, this mistake is not yours to make. He will do it again, many times over and I don’t know how many times you’ll be able to pick yourself up. I know there are many reasons to stay, stability, fear…love. I go to sleep worrying every time I see you it’ll be my last and I wonder if you worry about letting go of someone who feels so much like home.

I know it makes you feel at ease at how comfortable he might seem, but is comfortable enough? Why do we allow ourselves to believe the words Bitch, cunt, slut, whore, skank define us? When will the world understand that women were not made to walk all over? Who taught men it was okay to treat us like door mats and punching bags? My friend, I understand you are in love, and that he welcomes you with open arms every time things are going well, but please remember what happens when things are bad, because I’ve seen how bad they get. Please please believe me when I say your beauty is not measured by his input and that every compliment that spews out of his foul mouth has false intentions. The next time he raises his hand I hope you think about this, I hope you think about me, because I am always thinking about you. I may never understand why you stay, but I hope one day you wake up and the sun is shining and that is enough of a reason to walk away.

Sincerely,

Someone who wants to understand