Dear Future Children,
For someone who swore she was going to have 10 babies once your grandmother put my first Baby Alive doll in my 6-year-old hands, you would think the motherly instinct would grow even stronger as I grew up. However, after my many years of experience on this earth, the question of whether or not I would want to bring you guys into this world is something that weighs heavily on my conscious. With that being said, I am no way ready to bring you guys into this world any time soon.
And why, you’re probably asking? Your mother is selfish, according to some. And yes, they’re right. I was or still am selfish (hopefully I’m still selfish when it comes to sharing ice cream...or anything involving good food), wanting to live for myself and no one else for now, "now" being the next five to 10 years or however long it takes for me to reach my goals in my career. I understand that this may seem harsh, especially since I had to dress my American Girl doll up in a new outfit as part of my morning routine at 9 years old.
Motherly instinct was something that was ingrained in me from day one, an idea that is often in conflict with the discoveries I have made about myself during my teenage and young adult years. One of these discoveries is that I want to look back on life and have no regrets (or no ragrets for some, bad movie puns are also something you will come to love or at least tolerate).
Having children before I feel fulfilled in my life will ultimately lead me to resent you guys, and that is something I greatly fear. Maybe it’s an irrational idea, but I grew up hearing your grandmother talk about all the things she could have done if she would have waited to have kids (in my opinion, your grandmother is even more successful than I am). And even if it was hard to hear, it instilled this belief that no one should bring a child into thus world if they cannot provide for that child financially and emotionally.
Though your grandmother was just 22 years old, she worked two jobs while going to school in order to take care of me. Many people told her she wouldn’t be able to balance being a student, mother, and employee, but no matter what, she proved them wrong.
I hope to prove every person who ever said that I was crazy for wanting a career in writing for television wrong by actually achieving my dream. If that means giving up the years where my fertility is the most viable, I think it’s worth it. In the end, some people may think it’s wrong to put work before family, and that’s OK. Motherhood may not be for all of us, but I think it’s incredibly brave to realize that you may or may not be ready for that stage in life. I hope this helps you understand your mom’s plights that she faced during her younger years and maybe you can learn something from this. It’s OK if you choose to have kids or not; it’s your future and your choice.
Sincerely,
Your Future Mom
