This is a shoutout to my lovely, charismatic, dapper, hellions of brothers.
They were the worst children on the planet, granted I was perfect. But I feel like that's a given.
When we were younger we used to spend our precious time in the most practical of ways. Whether it was setting up campsites in our backyard, or taking every single cushion and pillow in our house and creating the most intricate wolf dens one could ever lay their eyes on--we had practicality and sensibility down to a 't' before any other siblings I knew.
One night was spent sitting in my oldest brother's room on his bed crying, hoping--just hoping--maybe he wouldn't choose my next favorite barbie doll to mull down with his BB gun.
And let me tell you, anytime someone says, "There's a pizza on the ceiling." Do not look up. For the love of god, do not let your gullible little butt look up. In milliseconds every hope and dream for doughy, saucy deliciousness is crushed, and you spend the rest of your days wishing that maybe there would be some sort of Italian dish--be it a pizza, a calzone, spaghetti--to await your food-lusting eyes as your gaze reaches upward. Again, do not let that disappointment fulfill your every wish. I only say this from sheer experience, my friends. Older brothers will find any way to fill your spirits with lies and tomfoolery.
And if your older brothers were to say, "Hey try this new drink we made for you." Please understand that it is not a new twist to your favorite orange soda. It is not a new cocktail that has the best kick you've ever tasted. It is flat diet coke, soy sauce, wasabi, ketchup, mustard, pickle juice, and any other expired condiment two young devils can find in your overly stocked kitchen.
And if your older brothers ever tell you that lying results in the growing of a tale and a trip to hell after death, please know that this is a lie. Although lying in and of itself should be frowned on--such severe consequences are just an exaggeration to get your annoying ass to shut up.
Always know that when they press a huge pillow over your face, they don't actually want you to suffocate...they just want your annoying ass to shut up. They secretly love you...I hope.
If your oldest brother moves thousands of miles away, remember how important he is. Remember to remind him how much you love him. Remember he's only eager for excessive adventure, because he wants to show you the best of the best when you visit his home. He has shown you what the world has to offer.
If your middle brother constantly battles you with his strongest wits, remember to acknowledge just how amazing that intelligence is. Remember that you are both so alike that it scares other people sometimes. Remember he's taught you so many lessons with his insane wisdom. He has shown you what you're capable of doing.
Remember that these are the people you will share some of the rawest moments in life with. From high school and college graduations; to your first nieces and nephews; to seeing your parents grow old together, remember that they will hold one of the most important places in your life. Shy away from consistent bitterness towards them
...This is a shout out to my extraordinary, praiseworthy, admirable brothers.
They are the best people on the planet, granted we are not perfect. But I feel like it's a given that I love them unconditionally. I hope to God the feeling is mutual.
