Unlike the majority of the students at NC State (87 percent, according to collegeportraits.org), when I go home, it’s not to a city or town in North Carolina. Instead, it’s a town with a population of 1,508 on a small peninsula in southern Maryland.
Mechanicsville, Maryland is made up partially by what the kids at my high school called SMIBs (Southern Maryland Inbreeds) and partially by the engineers, contractors, and Department of Defense employees who work at the nearby PAX Naval Air Station in Lexington Park. My parents fall into the second category. Growing up with engineers as parents meant I was always pushed to try my hardest not only in my STEM classes, but every aspect of school. Since fourth grade, I was never interested in any career path other than engineering. When considering colleges, I applied only to those with strong engineering programs. Of course, NC State was at the top of the list. The most common question I got my freshman year, other than “Where are you from?,” was “Why did you come all the way to North Carolina for school?” NC State’s amazing engineering program was always my answer, until one day, it wasn’t.
I didn’t coast through high school like a lot of my peers, but I still managed to balance AP classes, competitive dance, friends, and being an active member of my church, all while maintaining above a 4.0 GPA. Saying that I wasn’t prepared for the workload of college is a huge understatement. My freshman year as a First Year Engineering Student saw more late-night mental breakdowns than all of my previous 18 years combined. It wasn’t until spring semester, when I was retaking one class and failing another, that I finally admitted to myself that engineering just wasn’t for me.
The thing about my family is that they’re all smart. Like, scary smart. My mom is a software engineer working for Smartronix, a small company that develops telemetry. My dad is an aerospace engineer for the Navy and directs and performs flight tests on the latest military aircraft. And my twin sister is following in my dad’s footsteps, studying Aerospace Engineering at Virginia Tech. I also have numerous aunts, uncles, and cousins with similar career paths. Realizing that I wasn’t going to follow in my family’s ultra-smart footsteps was difficult to grasp. It took me months after deciding that I was no longer interested in pursuing an engineering degree to actually present my parents with my decision. But, while I expected disappointment and a small degree of criticism, I got nothing but support.
The anxiety triggered by my intense workload and the depression caused by my supposed failure as an engineering student made my freshman year a hard one. Instead of worsening my anxiety by berating me for not trying harder or forcing me to stay in a major I wasn’t happy with, or magnifying my depression with their disappointment, they proved to be supportive and loving, although admittedly a bit harsh. They encouraged me to not give up on my previous dreams quite yet, but consented that if I truly felt engineering wasn’t going to be my passion, I should find something that was. The encouragement and advice that followed proved to be more valuable than any lesson I had ever learned in MA 241 or PY 205.
College is hard, no one will ever deny that. It’s the time in our lives when we will experience the most changes; some good, some bad. And, as difficult as it gets sometimes, it’s important to remember why we all took this huge leap in the first place. The lessons we learn now, both in and out of lecture halls, are ones that will shape our ideals, careers, and lives. So, if you’re a freshman, sophomore, or even super-senior struggling with a major you listed on an application at 17 or 18 years old, just remember that it’s not too late to find your passion too.
