I miss finals week. I actually miss finals week.

The most accurate term to describe my relationship with breaks has got to be passion. I am passionate about breaks. My passion for breaks is surprisingly practical. I believe the quality of things I produce, from classwork to Odyssey articles, is made significantly greater when I am well rested. So, it would follow, from all I understand of my incessant desire for rest, that I would make the most of this Christmas break by resting. Thus far, I have done just that. I have spent time with family, read quality books and watched all the college football one could hope for. And now, after all that rest, I'm exhausted, and I really miss finals week.

So, what happened? Why is the sum of all my rest exhaustion? To be honest, it's because I can't shut my brain off. As responsibilities melt away, I'm left with nothing but endless room to breathe and to think. Normally, I love room to breathe and think. In fact, I purposefully do not attend home football games at my campus because I find that during home games everything quiets down, and I'm left with the necessary room to breathe and think. But, those times, those home-football game times last for a couple hours at most. I value days when my room to breathe and think is maximized, but I've grown weary of such days strung together. I simply can't turn my brain off.

I don't really miss finals week; that was exhausting in it's own way. What I really miss is distractions. Yes, distractions. Some would call academics, clubs, service and jobs responsibilities; to me they're distractions. Distractions from incessant thought. When I'm left alone with all the room to breathe and think with no distraction, my mind wanders into the hopeless pit of analyzing the future.

The future is a terrifying proposition, not because it's not bright but because it's existence is shrouded, and I can't grasp it. Yet, as my brain runs endlessly onward, it demands to grasp the elusive future, and I exhaust myself in this utterly useless process. I miss distractions; I require distractions just to keep me grounded in the present day.

As I step into this new year, I'm thankful that my endless thinking has resulted in an understanding of my own thought. I'm thankful that I'm now conscience of how I ruin my breaks. I resolve to balance my restful, thinking days with my responsibilities. Above all, I'm thankful for the responsibilities, distractions and Odyssey Online deadlines that ground me in my current reality.