I love romantic things. I think it’s so sweet for two people to fall in love and do traditional couple-y things. The only thing is, I’m not attracted to anyone, romantically (at present) or sexually (ever). I consider myself a hopeless Aromantic Asexual. This isn't to say I will never be romantically attracted or involved with someone, just that I don’t feel that way at present. Unfortunately, this can be hard to comprehend since Asexuality or Aromanticism are not talked about in today’s media and are often pushed aside by most of society. So today, I’m giving a small lesson on the spectrums.
People who fall under the Asexual Spectrum are people who feel no sexual attraction to some degree. This can mean people who never feel sexual attraction, like me, people who sometimes feel sexual attraction -- known as greysexuals -- or those who only feel sexual attraction after forming a strong connection with a person -- known as demisexuals. Similar terms are also used for people on the Aromantic Spectrum, those who feel no romantic attraction to some degree: aromantics (no romantic attraction), greyromantics (some romantic attraction) and demiromantics (only romantic after a strong connection).
Contrary to popular belief, romantic orientation does not always have to match sexual orientation. From romantic asexual to demiromantic heterosexual, every combination exists. Personally, I consider myself a Cupiodemiromantic Asexual, or someone who wants a romantic relationship but doesn’t feel a romantic attraction until a strong connection is formed.
So, why do we have so many labels?
For one, we don’t get a lot of media attention, so it is difficult to communicate being asexual or aromantic and what that means moving forward in our lives. This can be complicated if you’re like me, where it’s difficult to even wrap your head around the concept of a person’s attraction. It is especially complicated when society has set expectations of people. People are supposed to fall in love, get married, have healthy sex lives, have kids and grow old, even though a number of individuals don't feel that way.
In my experience, these labels are used more in the asexual and aromantic communities than with other people. However, in the future, as asexuality and aromanticism are more visible, I wouldn’t be surprised for other people to understand the labels. To avoid a common misconception, these labels don’t limit us. In the community, it’s common and welcomed to explore and change labels to fit who we are at a certain time in our lives. We aren’t expected to keep our labels and say, “I have to be this way.” The spectrum is wide, and we know that we can reach out to others in the community for help.
Through the asexual and aromantic communities, we find others who feel the same way about attraction. We can get advice from each other, and find out new things about ourselves. Even though asexuals and aromantics may not be as publicized as other queer communities, we still exist. We want to be seen because we can reach out to others who feel the same and let them know that they aren’t alone. We aren’t broken and we exist.
