Karah,
I haven't always treated you the way you deserve. Although you're my twin sister, you always acted as my older sibling. You protected me and looked out for me when I was reckless. But I have failed you. Since at least sixth grade, I have pushed you away. I'm sorry. I didn't treat you any better than the people who bullied you through the years. I wasn't there to defend you from your abusers at six years old, and not much changed when it came to 14 years old.
It breaks me to say all of this, but you deserve to hear an apology. For all the times you sat in the library at lunch because you felt so alone in the cafeteria, all the times you wore long sleeves instead of being honest with me about what you'd done to yourself, it's my fault. I never opened up the line of communication. I never stepped in to hug you or give you comfort. I let you push me away and when you tried to get close once in a while, I pushed back.
This isn't just some silly sibling rivalry that everyone experiences. No, I'm sorry for something way more serious. I'm sorry for not coming to your rescue.
Believe it or not, I am who I am because of you. I love poetry and writing because you introduced me to it. I love people unconditionally because of you. I want to help people because of you. I always strived for straight A's, because I wanted to be half as smart as you. See, you molded me into the kind of human being I always wanted to be. Your struggles and pain made me more compassionate. And even though I haven't always given that kind of compassion to you when you needed it, I'm here now.
I hope when you feel at your lowest or you feel like you haven't accomplished what you want to, you remember how much you have affected my life and my heart.
If I am honest, I don't have much of a story. I don't have childhood trauma, I was never bullied, I never got into drugs, I never survived anything. I am so ordinary. You are my story. Your life is one I got to partake in. Your journey is what I get to look back on and write about. When people ask me about my coming of age or my life experiences, your story is one I want to spread. You inspire.
Some people may say, after all this time, you should be fine. Some might think you have changed. But I know your soul. I know who Karah is, and I know she is still in there.
"You aren't shattered. You are a beautiful mosaic of all the battles you have won."
I hope Nashville is treating you well, sis.
Love,
Sarah
