“Uncle Hubert,” said my nephew, Deland, “Martha, my high school sweetheart, broke my heart beyond repair; she had a one-time affair with another man.” Now, Deland is debating whether he should go on with the relationship or the two of them should part ways.
My 24-year old nephew, Deland, called me last month from New York and told me a surprising story about his fiancée. Martha flew to Florida to visit relatives, he explained. During her stay there, one Saturday evening, she went alone to the Dream nightclub located in Miami Beach where she met Pierre, an exchange student from France. The two got hooked up, and one thing led to another. Next day, onboard a yacht belonging to Pierre’s relatives, Martha cruised along with him to the Bahamas for a romantic day of adventure.
Martha played the game cleverly. While she was with Pierre in the Bahamas, she had the audacity to call Deland, pretending she was in Florida. “Deland,“ said Martha, “I am staying home most of the time due to the Florida heat and humidity.” The weather here is very unpredictable. One day of winter feels like summer and another like fall." Then, she gave him an account of the fast demographic and economic growth of South Florida. All this is camouflage to cover her unfaithful behavior.
But Deland was one step ahead of Martha. What she didn’t know is that Deland had hired Daniella, Martha’s own cousin and confidant to spy on Martha. Daniella received from Martha via text messages and other platforms a number of romantic photos and videos of Martha with Pierre on the yacht and in the Bahamas having a good time.
Daniella secretly forwarded all the photos and videos to Deland. He was both irate and devastated over the images. Confronted with the evidence, Martha quickly admitted and apologized. Deland was torn apart.
Despite this incident, Deland and Martha have a lot at stake. Martha is pretty, educated, respectful and well-suited to be a wife. She is graduating with a master’s degree in computer programming; Deland also is earning a master’s degree in computer engineering. They both come from middle-class families in upstate New York. Deland is a fine young man.
Their goal was to get married in December 2016, then move to Silicon Valley, California in search of employment in their respective areas. Everything is now in limbo. Now there is little or no conversation between the couple. Their life together is at a standstill and their mutual future uncertain.
I am a man in my early 60s, but my advanced age does not make me a marriage counselor or an expert in that area. My personal suggestion to Deland is that he and Martha get together to sort out their differences or seek professional help. In other words, it ought to be their personal decision to make this work, however difficult it may be. Anyway, it is tough for someone outside that relationship to make the right decision for them in such a delicate situation, considering years of romance and love story.
I believe love overcomes everything. If Martha repents and recommits to Deland, it’s worth giving it another attempt. In other words, if Deland can forgive and forget, it’s worth making the relationship work. Otherwise, their alliance is doomed.
