An Accurate Timeline Of A Night Out: Girls Versus Guys

An Accurate Timeline Of A Night Out: Girls Versus Guys

The fundamentals are the same, but the process is entirely different.

Saturday night is the best night of the week--you get to sleep in, laze around all day, and then go out at night. The anticipation of this night is what gets most college students through the week. That being said, there's no doubt that there's a difference between what constitutes a girls' night out versus the guys'.

Here's an accurate timeline of both.

Girls' Night Out

7:35 PM: Shower.

8:02 PM: Blow dry hair.

8:27 PM: Start to curl hair.

8:29 PM: Get bored, grab a glass of wine.

8:31 PM: Continue to curl hair, while lip syncing to Beyoncé in the bathroom mirror.

9:00 PM: Put on foundation and blush. Think to self "let me try something different with eye makeup today."

9:05 PM: Paint eyes until black.

9:07 PM: Use seven different types of mascara to get ultimate length and volume.

9:10 PM: Lipstick. It's a lipstick kind of night.

9:12 PM: Stares in mirror, face is past recognition. Eyes look slightly raccoon-like. Hate it.

9:13 PM: Take off all make-up.

9:15 PM: Redo all make-up until satisfied or girls are at the door.

9:40 PM: Take shot.

9:41 PM: Try on every outfit in your closet only to choose the first one you tried on.

10:00 PM: Take shot.

10:05 PM: Take pictures. LOTS of pictures. Call dibs on which one you want to Instagram.

10:30 PM: Text boy of interest "Hey, you going out tonight?"

10:35 PM: Regret text.


11:00 PM: Get in Uber. Annoy Ask driver if they have an aux cord.


11:15 PM: Enter bar. Stand in tight circle with your friends around bar, eyeing prospective drink buyers and cute guys while inwardly cursing yourself for wearing five inch heels.

11:30 PM: End up buying your own drink. "Just this round, okay girls?" Chug.

11:45 PM: Weird guy offers to buy you a drink. Kamikaze it is.

12:00 AM: Go on other floor to hide from said weird guy, have your girls create a barrier between you two if he follows.

12:08 AM: IT'S YOUR SONG. Shove your way to the center of the dance floor and scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs while simultaneously booty-shaking and finger pointing. Why don't guys like you again?

12:20 AM: Someone comes up behind and starts dancing with you. Turn around to see who the beautiful man is.

12:21 AM: Creeper alert! ABORT. ABORT SITUATION.

12:25 AM: Cute guy sighting. Attempt to make eye contact so you can win him over with your smize.

12:27 AM: Why won't he look over? Eye starts to twitch from smizing so hard.

12:30 AM: Casually walk past him with intent to fake bump into him and apologize; he'll fall in love when he sees your face.

12:33 AM: Bump into him too hard by accident, he spilled some of his drink. On you.

12:45 AM: Cute guy bought you a drink, now you're dancing. All part of the plan, ladies.

1:30 AM: Drunk bathroom selfies and snap stories to show the world how much FUN your life is.

1:45 AM: Last call. Cute guy tries to take you home.

1:47 AM: Glare at him. "HOW COULD YOU?! IT'S GIRLS' NIGHT!" then wink and half-nod ok.

1:48 AM: Cute guy is confused and says sorry and walks away. HOW? Your hint was so obvious!

2:00 AM: Uber home, stopping for Cook-Out on the way back.

2:30 AM: Pass out while texting in the GroupMe about how much you love girls' night and hate boys

Guys night out

9:00 PM: Showers. With shower beer.

9:05 PM: Wears basic shirt and pastel shorts.

9:07 PM: Sprays cologne.

9:08 PM: Turns on TV. Grabs beer.

9:15: PM: Beer.

9:25 PM: Another one.

10:00 PM: Guys come over. With beer.

10:05 PM: Shotguns beer.

11:00 PM: Gets in Uber for downtown.

11:15 PM: Walks in bar, past weird-looking cluster pods of girls that are hovering right next to the bar. Orders beer.

11:35 PM: Talks to girls whose friends are not creating a physical barrier between her and guys.

12:33 AM: Semi-cute chick rams into you and spills some of your drink.

12:40 AM: Buys said girl a drink.

1:00 AM: Dances with girl while her friends keep a close watch. It's kind of creepy, actually.

1:45 AM: Asks girl if she wants to get a "ride back" with you. Such a gentleman.

1:47 AM: Publicly denied. Girl is doing some weird head spasm thing and winks after denying you. What?

1:48 AM: Walks away. Still have a solid 12 minutes to find a girl.

2:00 AM: Girl acquired. Subtley tries to high-five guys on the way out.

2:30 AM: Passes out post-hookup.

And there you have it.

Cover Image Credit:

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35 Major Life Facts According To Nick Miller

"All booze is good booze, unless it's weak booze."

Fact: If you watch "New Girl," you love Nick Miller.

You can't help it. He's an adorable, lovable mess of a man and you look forward to seeing him and his shenanigans each week. While living the infamous and incomparable life of Nick Miller, and obviously Julius Pepperwood— he has learned many valuable laws of the land. And, although Nick refuses to learn anything from anyone besides his mysterious, old Asian friend Tran, he does have a few lessons he'd like to teach us.

Here are 35 facts of life according to 'Nick Milla Nick Milla':

1. Drinking keeps you healthy.

"I'm not gonna get sick. No germ can live in a body that is 65% beer."

2. Dinosaurs never existed.

"I don't believe dinosaurs existed. I've seen the science. I don't believe it."

3. A paper bag is a bank.

"A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls."

4. Having sex is similar to delivering mail.

"I'm like a mailman, except instead of mail it's hot sex that I deliver."

5. Moonwalking is a foolproof way to get out of any awkward situation.

Jess (about Nick): "Now he won't even talk to me. I saw him this morning and he just panic moonwalked away from me. He does that sometimes."

6. Using a movie reference is also a great way.

Cece: "Come on, get up!"

Nick: "No, I don't dance. I'm from that town in "Footloose."

7. There's no reason to wash towels.

Nick: "I don’t wash the towel. The towel washes me. Who washes a towel?"

Schmidt: "You never wash your towel?"

Nick: "What am I gonna do? Wash the shower next? Wash a bar of soap?"

8. Exes are meant to be avoided at all costs (especially if/unless they're Caroline)

"I don't deal with exes, they're part of the past. You burn them swiftly and you give their ashes to Poseidon."

9. IKEA furniture is not as intimidating as it looks.

"I'm building you the dresser. I love this stuff. It's like high-stakes LEGOs."

10. You don't need forks if you have hands.

Jess: "That's gross. Get a fork, man."

Nick: "I got two perfectly good forks at the end of my arms!"

11. Sex has a very specific definition.

"It's not sex until you put the straw in the coconut."

12. Doors are frustrating.

"I will push if I want to push! Come on! I hate doors!"

13. All booze is good booze.

"Can I get an alcohol?"

14. ...unless it's weak booze.

"Schmidt, that is melon flavored liquor! That is 4-proof! That is safe to drink while you're pregnant!"

15. Writers are like pregnant women.

Jess: "You know what that sound is? It's the sound of an empty uterus."

Nick: "I can top that easily. I'm having a hard time with my zombie novel."

Jess: "Are you really comparing a zombie novel to my ability to create life?"

Nick: "I'm a writer, Jess. We create life."

16. All bets must be honored.

"There is something serious I have to tell you about the future. The name of my first-born child needs to be Reginald VelJohnson. I lost a bet to Schmidt."

17. Adele's voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

"Adele is amazing."

18. Beyoncé is extremely trustworthy.

"I'd trust Beyoncé with my life. We be all night."

19. Fish, on the other hand, are not.

“Absolutely not. You know I don’t trust fish! They breathe water. That's crazy!"

20. Bar mitzvahs are terrifying.

Schmidt: "It's a bar mitzvah!"

Nick: "I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised!"

21. are blueberries.

Jess: "So far, Nick Miller's list of fears is sharks, tap water, real relationships..."

Nick: "And blueberries."

22. Take your time with difficult decisions. Don't be rash.

Jess: "You care about your burritos more than my children, Nick?"

Nick: "You're putting me in a tough spot!"

23. Getting into shape is not easy.

"I mean, I’m not doing squats or anything. I’m trying to eat less donuts."

24. We aren't meant to talk about our feelings.

"If we needed to talk about feelings, they would be called talkings."

25. We're all a little bit too hard on ourselves.

"The enemy is the inner me."

26. Freezing your underwear is a good way to cool off.

"Trust me, I'm wearing frozen underpants right now and I feel amazing. I'm gonna grab some old underpants and put a pair into the freezer for each of you."

27. Public nudity is normal.

"Everbody has been flashed countless times."

28. Alcohol is a cure-all.

"You treat an outside wound with rubbing alcohol. You treat an inside wound with drinking alcohol."

29. Horses are aliens.

"I believe horses are from outer-space."

30. Turtles should actually be called 'shell-beavers.'

Jess: "He calls turtles 'shell-beavers."

Nick: "Well, that's what they should be called."

31. Trench coats are hot.

"This coat has clean lines and pockets that don't quit, and it has room for your hips. And, when I wear it, I feel hot to trot!"

32. Sparkles are too.

"Now, my final bit of advice, and don't get sensitive on this, but you've got to change that top it's terrible and you've got to throw sparkles on. Sparkles are in. SPARKLES ARE IN."

33. Introspection can lead to a deeper knowing of oneself.

"I'm not convinced I know how to read. I've just memorized a lot of words."

34. It's important to live in the moment.

"I know this isn't gonna end well but the middle part is gonna be awesome."

35. Drinking makes you cooler.

Jess: "Drinking to be cool, Nick? That's not a real thing."

Nick: "That's the only thing in the world I know to be true."

Cover Image Credit: Hollywood Reporter

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The Zodiac Signs As Bath And Body Works Scents

Just in case you want to know what scent you are!

Bath and Body Works fans could be considered to be part of a cult. The scents draw you in as if calling your name, if you ever
wondered what your scent should be based on your zodiac sign, here it is!

Aries: Country Apple

The rather impulsive Aries takes their time picking and choosing the scents from Bath and Body Works. The soothing scent of a fresh apple orchard is just what they need on a daily basis to keep up with their shenanigans.

Taurus: Japanese Cherry Blossom

The personality of a Taurus is stubborn, or what I like to say, is stuck in their ways. When they first discovered this scent in middle school, this was it. This is the only scent you will find anywhere around a Taurus.

Libra: Pink Chiffon

Pink Chiffon is another cult classic. This best selling scent went out of style for a hot second but is back and bigger than ever.

Leo: Thousand Wishes

Thousand Wishes is a purr-fect scent for a Leo. The light scent adornes the wearer just the right amount to get the desired reaction from those around them.

Aquarius: Be Enchanted

The rather cold personality of an Aquarius is counteracted by the loving scent of Be Enchanted. The scent is just enough tenderness for the wearer to be relaxed.

Gemini: Moonlight Path

Gemini's constantly change their favorite scent and are in and out of the store almost weekly to by new lotions, candles, and body washes. You will never see a full empty bottle of anything, however, Moonlight Path is the scent they keep coming back to again and again.

Virgo: Sea Island Cotton

The clean personality of a Virgo must be matched with the clean scent of Sea Island Cotton.

Capricorn: Cucumber Melon

Another clean scent of Cucumber Melon is the exact thing a Capricorn needs. The balance and calming scents are what make this scent so attractive to a Capricorn.

Scorpio: Paris Amour

The light scent is what you would expect from an extreme sign like a Scorpio. The scent lightly washes over the wearer in almost a cloud that

Sagittarius: Cashmere Glow

Cashmere Glow is a perfect scent for the winter sign. The vanilla and golden peach scent is just the mixture that creates the perfect accessory in the chilly months.

Pisces: Warm Vanilla Sugar

This lovely scent accentuates the lovely personality of a Pisces. They can never get enough of this scent so they just keep buying and buying until they have a full stockpile.

Cancer: Velvet Sugar

Velvet Sugar is the perfect blend of red velvet and strawberries and a Cancer is always changing their mind. The wearer can tell if it is a more red velvet or strawberry kind of day, and that is the balance that they need in their lives.

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