An Accurate Timeline Of A Night Out: Girls Versus Guys

An Accurate Timeline Of A Night Out: Girls Versus Guys

The fundamentals are the same, but the process is entirely different.
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Saturday night is the best night of the week--you get to sleep in, laze around all day, and then go out at night. The anticipation of this night is what gets most college students through the week. That being said, there's no doubt that there's a difference between what constitutes a girls' night out versus the guys'.

Here's an accurate timeline of both.


Girls' Night Out

7:35 PM: Shower.

8:02 PM: Blow dry hair.

8:27 PM: Start to curl hair.

8:29 PM: Get bored, grab a glass of wine.

8:31 PM: Continue to curl hair, while lip syncing to Beyoncé in the bathroom mirror.

9:00 PM: Put on foundation and blush. Think to self "let me try something different with eye makeup today."

9:05 PM: Paint eyes until black.

9:07 PM: Use seven different types of mascara to get ultimate length and volume.

9:10 PM: Lipstick. It's a lipstick kind of night.

9:12 PM: Stares in mirror, face is past recognition. Eyes look slightly raccoon-like. Hate it.

9:13 PM: Take off all make-up.

9:15 PM: Redo all make-up until satisfied or girls are at the door.

9:40 PM: Take shot.

9:41 PM: Try on every outfit in your closet only to choose the first one you tried on.

10:00 PM: Take shot.

10:05 PM: Take pictures. LOTS of pictures. Call dibs on which one you want to Instagram.

10:30 PM: Text boy of interest "Hey, you going out tonight?"

10:35 PM: Regret text.

10:45 PM: GROUP SHOT!

11:00 PM: Get in Uber. Annoy Ask driver if they have an aux cord.

11:02 PM: "GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN, OHHHHHHH GIRLS, THEY WANNA HAVE FUN!"

11:15 PM: Enter bar. Stand in tight circle with your friends around bar, eyeing prospective drink buyers and cute guys while inwardly cursing yourself for wearing five inch heels.

11:30 PM: End up buying your own drink. "Just this round, okay girls?" Chug.

11:45 PM: Weird guy offers to buy you a drink. Kamikaze it is.

12:00 AM: Go on other floor to hide from said weird guy, have your girls create a barrier between you two if he follows.

12:08 AM: IT'S YOUR SONG. Shove your way to the center of the dance floor and scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs while simultaneously booty-shaking and finger pointing. Why don't guys like you again?

12:20 AM: Someone comes up behind and starts dancing with you. Turn around to see who the beautiful man is.

12:21 AM: Creeper alert! ABORT. ABORT SITUATION.

12:25 AM: Cute guy sighting. Attempt to make eye contact so you can win him over with your smize.

12:27 AM: Why won't he look over? Eye starts to twitch from smizing so hard.

12:30 AM: Casually walk past him with intent to fake bump into him and apologize; he'll fall in love when he sees your face.

12:33 AM: Bump into him too hard by accident, he spilled some of his drink. On you.

12:45 AM: Cute guy bought you a drink, now you're dancing. All part of the plan, ladies.

1:30 AM: Drunk bathroom selfies and snap stories to show the world how much FUN your life is.

1:45 AM: Last call. Cute guy tries to take you home.

1:47 AM: Glare at him. "HOW COULD YOU?! IT'S GIRLS' NIGHT!" then wink and half-nod ok.

1:48 AM: Cute guy is confused and says sorry and walks away. HOW? Your hint was so obvious!

2:00 AM: Uber home, stopping for Cook-Out on the way back.

2:30 AM: Pass out while texting in the GroupMe about how much you love girls' night and hate boys


Guys night out

9:00 PM: Showers. With shower beer.

9:05 PM: Wears basic shirt and pastel shorts.

9:07 PM: Sprays cologne.

9:08 PM: Turns on TV. Grabs beer.

9:15: PM: Beer.

9:25 PM: Another one.

10:00 PM: Guys come over. With beer.

10:05 PM: Shotguns beer.

11:00 PM: Gets in Uber for downtown.

11:15 PM: Walks in bar, past weird-looking cluster pods of girls that are hovering right next to the bar. Orders beer.

11:35 PM: Talks to girls whose friends are not creating a physical barrier between her and guys.

12:33 AM: Semi-cute chick rams into you and spills some of your drink.

12:40 AM: Buys said girl a drink.

1:00 AM: Dances with girl while her friends keep a close watch. It's kind of creepy, actually.

1:45 AM: Asks girl if she wants to get a "ride back" with you. Such a gentleman.

1:47 AM: Publicly denied. Girl is doing some weird head spasm thing and winks after denying you. What?

1:48 AM: Walks away. Still have a solid 12 minutes to find a girl.

2:00 AM: Girl acquired. Subtley tries to high-five guys on the way out.

2:30 AM: Passes out post-hookup.

And there you have it.

Cover Image Credit: theodysseyonline.com

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