An Accurate Timeline Of A Night Out: Girls Versus Guys

An Accurate Timeline Of A Night Out: Girls Versus Guys

The fundamentals are the same, but the process is entirely different.

Saturday night is the best night of the week--you get to sleep in, laze around all day, and then go out at night. The anticipation of this night is what gets most college students through the week. That being said, there's no doubt that there's a difference between what constitutes a girls' night out versus the guys'.

Here's an accurate timeline of both.

Girls' Night Out

7:35 PM: Shower.

8:02 PM: Blow dry hair.

8:27 PM: Start to curl hair.

8:29 PM: Get bored, grab a glass of wine.

8:31 PM: Continue to curl hair, while lip syncing to Beyoncé in the bathroom mirror.

9:00 PM: Put on foundation and blush. Think to self "let me try something different with eye makeup today."

9:05 PM: Paint eyes until black.

9:07 PM: Use seven different types of mascara to get ultimate length and volume.

9:10 PM: Lipstick. It's a lipstick kind of night.

9:12 PM: Stares in mirror, face is past recognition. Eyes look slightly raccoon-like. Hate it.

9:13 PM: Take off all make-up.

9:15 PM: Redo all make-up until satisfied or girls are at the door.

9:40 PM: Take shot.

9:41 PM: Try on every outfit in your closet only to choose the first one you tried on.

10:00 PM: Take shot.

10:05 PM: Take pictures. LOTS of pictures. Call dibs on which one you want to Instagram.

10:30 PM: Text boy of interest "Hey, you going out tonight?"

10:35 PM: Regret text.


11:00 PM: Get in Uber. Annoy Ask driver if they have an aux cord.


11:15 PM: Enter bar. Stand in tight circle with your friends around bar, eyeing prospective drink buyers and cute guys while inwardly cursing yourself for wearing five inch heels.

11:30 PM: End up buying your own drink. "Just this round, okay girls?" Chug.

11:45 PM: Weird guy offers to buy you a drink. Kamikaze it is.

12:00 AM: Go on other floor to hide from said weird guy, have your girls create a barrier between you two if he follows.

12:08 AM: IT'S YOUR SONG. Shove your way to the center of the dance floor and scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs while simultaneously booty-shaking and finger pointing. Why don't guys like you again?

12:20 AM: Someone comes up behind and starts dancing with you. Turn around to see who the beautiful man is.

12:21 AM: Creeper alert! ABORT. ABORT SITUATION.

12:25 AM: Cute guy sighting. Attempt to make eye contact so you can win him over with your smize.

12:27 AM: Why won't he look over? Eye starts to twitch from smizing so hard.

12:30 AM: Casually walk past him with intent to fake bump into him and apologize; he'll fall in love when he sees your face.

12:33 AM: Bump into him too hard by accident, he spilled some of his drink. On you.

12:45 AM: Cute guy bought you a drink, now you're dancing. All part of the plan, ladies.

1:30 AM: Drunk bathroom selfies and snap stories to show the world how much FUN your life is.

1:45 AM: Last call. Cute guy tries to take you home.

1:47 AM: Glare at him. "HOW COULD YOU?! IT'S GIRLS' NIGHT!" then wink and half-nod ok.

1:48 AM: Cute guy is confused and says sorry and walks away. HOW? Your hint was so obvious!

2:00 AM: Uber home, stopping for Cook-Out on the way back.

2:30 AM: Pass out while texting in the GroupMe about how much you love girls' night and hate boys

Guys night out

9:00 PM: Showers. With shower beer.

9:05 PM: Wears basic shirt and pastel shorts.

9:07 PM: Sprays cologne.

9:08 PM: Turns on TV. Grabs beer.

9:15: PM: Beer.

9:25 PM: Another one.

10:00 PM: Guys come over. With beer.

10:05 PM: Shotguns beer.

11:00 PM: Gets in Uber for downtown.

11:15 PM: Walks in bar, past weird-looking cluster pods of girls that are hovering right next to the bar. Orders beer.

11:35 PM: Talks to girls whose friends are not creating a physical barrier between her and guys.

12:33 AM: Semi-cute chick rams into you and spills some of your drink.

12:40 AM: Buys said girl a drink.

1:00 AM: Dances with girl while her friends keep a close watch. It's kind of creepy, actually.

1:45 AM: Asks girl if she wants to get a "ride back" with you. Such a gentleman.

1:47 AM: Publicly denied. Girl is doing some weird head spasm thing and winks after denying you. What?

1:48 AM: Walks away. Still have a solid 12 minutes to find a girl.

2:00 AM: Girl acquired. Subtley tries to high-five guys on the way out.

2:30 AM: Passes out post-hookup.

And there you have it.

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To The Girl Struggling With Her Body Image

It's not about the size of your jeans, but the size of your heart, soul, and spirit.


To the girl struggling with her body image,

You are more than the number on the scale. You are more than the number on your jeans and dresses. You are way more than the number of pounds you've gained or lost in whatever amount of time.

Weight is defined as the quantity of matter contained by a body or object. Weight does not define your self-worth, ambition or potential.

So many girls strive for validation through the various numbers associated with body image and it's really so sad seeing such beautiful, incredible women become discouraged over a few numbers that don't measure anything of true significance.

Yes, it is important to live a healthy lifestyle. Yes, it is important to take care of yourself. However, taking care of yourself includes your mental health as well. Neglecting either your mental or physical health will inflict problems on the other. It's very easy to get caught up in the idea that you're too heavy or too thin, which results in you possibly mistreating your body in some way.

Your body is your special, beautiful temple. It harbors all of your thoughts, feelings, characteristics, and ideas. Without it, you wouldn't be you. If you so wish to change it in a healthy way, then, by all means, go ahead. With that being said, don't make changes to impress or please someone else. You are the only person who is in charge of your body. No one else has the right to tell you whether or not your body is good enough. If you don't satisfy their standards, then you don't need that sort of negative influence in your life. That sort of manipulation and control is extremely unhealthy in its own regard.

Do not hold back on things you love or want to do because of how you interpret your body. You are enough. You are more than enough. You are more than your exterior. You are your inner being, your spirit. A smile and confidence are the most beautiful things you can wear.

It's not about the size of your jeans. It's about the size of your mind and heart. Embrace your body, observe and adore every curve, bone and stretch mark. Wear what makes you feel happy and comfortable in your own skin. Do your hair and makeup (or don't do either) to your heart's desire. Wear the crop top you've been eyeing up in that store window. Want a bikini body? Put a bikini on your body, simple.

So, as hard as it may seem sometimes, understand that the number on the scale doesn't measure the amount or significance of your contributions to this world. Just because that dress doesn't fit you like you had hoped doesn't mean that you're any less of a person.

Love your body, and your body will love you right back.

Cover Image Credit: Lauren Margliotti

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The Football World Loses One Of Its Finest Players

Bart Starr passed away and NFL players, coaches, and fans all mourn the loss of the Packer legend, but his life and career will live on in hearts of Packer nation forever.


Bart Starr passed away at the age of 85 in Birmingham, Alabama. The NFL lost a great player. The Green Bay Packers lost a hero. And, the world lost a true gentleman. Starr's legacy has surpassed his accomplishments on the gridiron. He inspired not only his peers but the generations that have come after him. He is — and always — will be remembered as a Hall of Famer, a champion, and a Packer.

Bart Starr was a Packers legend. Starr led Green Bay to six division titles and five world championships. As the quarterback of Vince Lombardi's offense, he kept the machine going and executed the plays like no other. His mastery of the position was a large part of the Packers success in the 1960s. Starr was also the perfect teammate for the perfect team. His leadership put him in command of the Packers. Starr's time in Green Bay will not be forgotten by former players, coaches, and the fans.

Bart Starr's resume is rivaled by few in NFL history. He played in 10 postseason games and won 9 of them. He led the Packers to victory in Super Bowls I and II and won the MVP award in both games. He was the MVP of the league in 1966 and was named to the NFL All-Decade Team of the 1960s. The Packers retired his number 15 and Starr has been inducted into the Packers and Pro Football Hall of Fame.

After his playing days, Starr would become the head coach of the Packers. He could not repeat the success he had on the field from the 1960s teams. His coaching years do not take away from his legacy as one of the all-time great Packers. Starr was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1977.

One of Starr's last visits to Lambeau field was on a cold November night in 2015. Starr and his wife attended a ceremony in which the Packers retired Brett Favre's jersey number. Starr was the perfect personification of what it meant to be a Packer. His most heroic moment came in the 1967 NFL Championship Game. The Ice Bowl came down to a third and goal in Lambeau Field's south endzone against the Dallas Cowboys. Starr came to the sidelines and bravely told Vince Lombardi that he can sneak it in for a game-winning touchdown. Lombardi then replied, "Run it, and let's get the hell out of here." Starr ran a quarterback sneak for the game-winner and the Packers were off to Super Bowl II. Without Starr, Green Bay would not have won a second straight Super Bowl. His leadership in big game moments will live with Packers fans for a lifetime.

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Starr leaves behind his wife Cherry, his son, and three granddaughters. Packers fans will have a tight grip on the memories Bart Starr and the 60s teams created. Starr left behind a template for being a Green Bay Packer. He also left a template for being a good man and a gentleman of the game of football. He was a competitor and a leader. Packer nation mourns for the loss of one of the finest human beings the game has seen.

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