I hate public speaking. Seriously, there is nothing I hate more than standing in front of a large group of people and speaking about anything. I could be speaking gibberish and I would still sweat the Yangtze River and shake like an earthquake.
“But Jazmine, you’re such an extrovert. You’re so outspoken and loud and friendly. Shouldn’t public speaking be easier for people like you?” The answer is: No. I’ve always been afraid of large crowds and speaking or doing anything in front of large groups. Ever since I was a child. I remember playing ‘Amazing Grace’ in front of my entire church for a talent show and running to the back and crying about it because I was so scared that I was bad and making myself look stupid in front of people I grew up with. Just because someone is outgoing and friendly doesn’t mean things like public speaking comes easy to them. I know a ton of people like me who are friendly and loud yet dreads when a teacher assigns a speech assignment.
I think the worst moment was when I had a solo fest performance in front of my parents, peers and teachers and after I squeaked once on my clarinet, I finished the solo and cried in the bandroom. That was more of a stage freight instance, but you get the jist. I don’t like performing in front of large groups of people.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll do it. I would never take a failing grade just because I was scared to do something and I would never back out of something because of a fear I had, unless it had something to do with heights. But I would stand up there and feel like I’m going to puke until I finished saying or doing what I had to say and do.
Granted, in the job I want to pursue in the future, public speaking is a vital proponent in the field, that doesn’t mean I have to love it. I might have to do it but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
So, for those of you who always want to volunteer me for public speaking in a group, or asking me to voluntarily speak in front of group, don’t look at me. Don’t ask me, and don’t say that it should be easy for me. It never was and never will be. I’m about as useful as a well with no water.
