As followers of Christ, we are faced with two choices:

To become the man or woman we are called to be, or to stay stagnant and become incompetent to the higher calling we’ve received.

Recently, I’ve been praying. I’ve been seeking. The reality that I am literally an independent individual to the fullest extent has been sinking deeper into my heart these past few months. This reality is that I can wish to be farther ahead in life than I currently am all I want, but along with the desires to hold in my hands the freedoms and excitement also comes responsibility.

Not just responsibility in the sense of bill-paying and self-sustaining behavior, but really, the responsibility of deciding, as a woman of God - Who am I? Who do I want to be? And most importantly, how do I get there?

I’m going to take this time to be blunt and honest about the fact that I’ve grown quite tired of the cliche “I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman” line spilling out of every young Christian girl’s mouth.

Maybe my honest opinion is somewhat offensive and possibly even insensitive.. but it’s true.

In which case I would also like to state that I do not find this passage in Scripture in any way to be unhelpful, solid truth. It’s a beautiful description of a noble woman of God, and that I fully believe and strongly still take into consideration when evaluating my character.

I still strive to be a current day picture of that.

The Scripture isn’t the problem.

The expectation in the heart of women is what lies at fault.

I’ve caught myself many times in states of beating myself over the fact that I am not perfect. I have fault threaded in my bones. Fault that sinks deep into my heart and causes self-hate to rise to the surfaces of my thoughts. Thoughts that cause me to wonder why I will never be good enough, or wonder why I am always a background in the eyes of others. Thoughts that are filled with poison.

Why? Because I’m not where I think I “need” to be.

I’m not at the place of a Proverbs 31 woman.

But I do know where I am, where my heart lies and where my spirit is in a state of. And it’s described perfectly in Luke 7:36-50.

“When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, He went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, ‘If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner.’ Jesus answered him, ‘Simon, I have something to tell you.’

‘Tell me, teacher,’ he said.

‘Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?’

Simon replied, ‘I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.’

‘You have judged correctly,’ Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, ‘Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.’

Then Jesus said to her, ‘Your sins are forgiven.’

The other guests began to say among themselves, ‘Who is this who even forgives sins?’

Jesus said to the woman, ‘Your faith has saved you; go in peace.’”

Something beautiful happens in this section of Scripture.

It’s an exceptionally beautiful moment in history when the King of the Universe bends down to the humble.

Setting aside the “Proverbs 31” dream, as a woman of God, my soul so strongly yearns to be in the place of this woman.

To fall before him on my knees. To wash his feet with humble tears.

He doesn’t care where I’ve been. He doesn’t care where I fall short. He loves me in my weakest. He loves me when my heart exalts him above self no matter who is around, or who finds this act of worship to be foolish or way out of line as the Pharisee Simon did. He loves me when I am not in the place of perfection. He loves me when I love.

He loves me.

He delights in me.

And this love is proclaimed and offered to all. It’s his non-refundable gift to his children.

Again, please do not mistake my words as a dismissal of the picture painted in Proverbs 31.. But no matter how much I long to be the noble woman projected in this part of Scripture (as I do), I find so much peace and so much pleasure coming before my Lord, to saturate his feet with a constant flow of praise and humility. To kiss the foundations of where my heart is placed. To pour out a love so sweet to a world who does not know, and to offer an unending adoration up to my king because I am indeed forgiven.

It is because of his love.

His great sacrifice.

Who he is.

Not where I’ve been.

Who I was or where I will fall, for Jesus’ forgiveness abounds in the heaps of unending love. As each tear filled with joy and willingness falls before him, each stain upon my spirit is cleansed.

How great is my God?