Dear girls, and really anyone else, who feel completely empty,
People always assume that sadness is the worst emotion, but you and I both know that's not true.
Ironically, the worst feeling is feeling nothing at all.
I know that you feel like nobody understands, and most people don't, but trust me, there are people out there who have been where you've been, or where you currently are. I know that you feel like things couldn't possibly get better, but they will.
Feeling nothing is worse than feeling sad because when you feel sad, you still care, but when you feel empty you've gone past that. You've gotten to the point where you don't even care enough to be sad. You've completely lost the will to care about anything at all. You get to the point where you wish you could feel sad just because you miss feeling something. You force yourself to feel things and have mastered the art of fake crying and laughing because you don't want anyone to know what you're going through. It's like you don't even have control over your own body anymore; like you're just going through the motions, and ignoring the fact that you feel absolutely nothing.
The way you're living now makes you feel like you're not living at all, and if you don't do something about it, you'll wish that you weren't.
Nobody deserves to go through this, so if you want to stop it, you need to find ways to avoid it. You have to figure out your "triggers" because once you get like this, it never fully goes away. Ask yourself "How did I get to this point?" Some people have just always been like this. They've always felt this numbness that they could never explain. Some people went through, or are currently going through, a rough time in their life and never fully recovered from it. In some people, it's even a combination of both. Regardless of how you got here, everyone has triggers. People, places, sounds, tastes, and even scents that remind you of your darkest times can bring you from cloud nine to rock bottom instantly, and once you're down, it feels impossible to get back up. So it's extremely important to figure out what these things are and avoid them at all costs.
If you find yourself feeling like this, you need to tell somebody.
I know you feel like nobody will understand, but people will, and it doesn't even matter if they don't understand because just talking about it to someone and getting it off your chest will help significantly. If you're not comfortable telling somebody, then you can try writing it down, whether it be a diary or channeling it into songwriting, do whatever works best for you. What's important is not bottling these feelings up because these feelings are like soda, and if you keep them bottled up, the smallest shake may cause you to explode.
Another thing that helps me is thinking about all of the good things in my life because if I focus all of my energy on the positives sometimes it helps me forget about the negatives. So try thinking about everything that's good in your life. You might even want to write them down so you can go back and read them when you feel yourself slipping back into the emptiness. Try writing them every day and add new ones as new reasons to be happy appear in your life. If you do this you'll begin to focus so much on trying to find the good things in life that you'll start to forget about the bad ones, and the longer you keep it up, the longer your list will grow and the happier you'll find yourself.
The last piece of advice I'm going to give you is the most important. This emptiness that you're feeling could be the result of your lack of a relationship with God. Even if you do have a relationship with Him, it might not be as strong as it needs to be. If you feel empty and just aren't satisfied with your life, I can guarantee you that that hole can be filled by God. If when you get these feelings, you look to Him and give them to Him, they will pass. You just have to remember that God will always have your back, and if you trust in Him, everything will be okay because this is all part of his plan. Some Bible verses that help me remember this are:
"Commit everything to the Lord. Trust in Him, and He will help you." Psalm 37:5
"I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord." Isaiah 66:9
"There is a time for everything and a reason for every activity under the heavens." Ecclesiastes 3:1
"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"My soul finds rest in God alone, my salvation comes from Him, He alone is my rock and my salvation."
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13
"The pain that you've been feeling can't compare to the joy that's coming." Romans 8:18
So remember, God's got you, and all of this is happening for a reason. So have faith and just hang in there because "this too shall pass.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline — Call 1-800-273-8255