Middle school -- everyone’s darkest memories. The braces. The awkwardness. The Aeropostale sweatshirts. Middle school is a time where children start to develop friend groups from sports, common interests, and social status, and they tend to exclude others that are not in their group. Everyone tells you “high school is so much better.” But was it, really? Yes, everyone matured a little more, but the groups were still there. I was unfortunately out of luck. I was a heavier non-athletic child tackling life without a super solid support system. I had always felt out of place in middle school, and high school was not any different. I had always hoped one day I would magically fit in, or I would get invited to hang out with people from one of these many groups, but it never happened. I was always an outsider, and an outsider I will always be.
My middle school situation was pretty funny, actually. I attended my first year on the lower-income side of town. I had one of the most influential teachers I have ever had in my career. She taught me how important grades really are to succeed. The school I was in was a community of its own, and my sixth-grade class was like a family. We all got along fairly well and were a great team. With life events going on, the family I was living with moved to the upper-income side of town, causing me to transfer schools the following year. What a flop it really was. Name brands became apparent to me, and everyone had a set group of friends, not really letting anyone in. I was a complete outsider. As much as I tried to fit in, it was apparent I never would. I kept hope with the promises of “high school being so much better.” What a rude awakening it was when I walked through those doors realizing not much had changed.
In a sense, high school was a little bit better because people had matured more. I think everyone was more accepting and didn’t specifically target people as much. The hardest part for me was lunch time. I never had anyone to sit with. I would spend most lunches in the student liaison’s office, hoping she wouldn’t walk in and tell me to “make friends." I don’t know about you, but it sure is hard to “make friends” when groups are so set in their ways. Sure, I was a cheerleader and on student government, but who was I really fooling? The only people I really hung out with were most of the cheer girls, and a majority of the time we had practice before or after hanging out. To this day, I keep in touch with maybe three people from my graduating class. Of course, if I see classmates out in public, I’ll say hi, but I don’t feel comfortable going out of my way in any way shape or form.
In the end, I think being an outsider made me a better person, personally. Not better than anyone else, but I think it taught me a lot about myself and put things in perspective for me. I avoided so much drama, tears, and fights that others faced in high school. My life was chaotic enough and having that on top of it would have been too much. Since I was an outsider I didn’t get invited to anything, so I avoided high school drinking and drug use. I also kept my morals and gave it my all. I’m not trying to bash anyone who took part in any of those activities because I respect everyone's life choices, even if I don't agree with them or partake in them. I never was bullied or teased in high school, so there're no hard feelings at all. I just simply think it's nice to recognize that there are outsiders out there, and I want you to know you’re not alone.
