16 Alternative Facts From A College Student

16 Alternative Facts From A College Student

Everything's fine. Everything is totally fine.

Alternative Fact (n.) - A statement, with little or no proof or backing, clinging to a hope that it will be taken seriously and will not be questioned. See also; blatant lie, false statement.

1. I’m eating healthy and responsibly

I only use my meal plan to buy fruits, vegetables and a reasonable amount of ice cream. I’ve been eating three balanced meals a day and haven’t had a sip of alcohol.

2. I get eight hours of sleep a night.

I go to bed at 10pm every single night, and I definitely haven’t begun dreading the all-nighter that I’ll be pulling this Sunday to complete all my homework that I’ve put off all weekend.

3. I don’t party.

I’m not familiar with the Booty Shaking playlist on Spotify.

4. My social media is respectable and will be a good reference for me when future employers want to hire me.

I didn’t make a second Facebook or a Finsta that my parents and teachers will never see or have access to.

5. I’ve been making commitments to be a better student.

I color code my notes and always pay attention in class. I never fall asleep in class because I have a healthy sleep schedule (See #2) and all my teachers think that I am a pleasure to have in class.

6. I don’t spend three hours a day watching videos of cute animals.

My favorite definitely isn’t the video of the two dogs trying to climb over the little stone wall, and one of them keeps falling down and the other one tries to nudge him up, but then the falling one snaps at him. Definitely not. And it’s definitely not better with commentary.

7. I am prepared for all of my classes and I enjoy learning the material.

None of this is over my head or overwhelming, and I haven’t considered dropping out of any (read: all) of my classes more than three times today.

8. I use the gym on campus every single day.

I know how to use every machine in that room.

9. I’ve found a job on campus or in town that I can feasibly balance with my existing schedule and time commitments.

And I love that job. I love my job. I love my job.

10. If I’m not in class, I’m in the library.

In fact, I’m in the library more than I’m in my own dorm. (This one might be more actual fact than alternative fact…)

11. I’ve only had one mental breakdown today.

And only three this week.

12. I’m managing my money wisely.

I’ve been able to pay for all my books and I’m feeling confident about my ability to make my campus card last all semester.

13. My roommate and I get along really well.

We’ve had long, emotional bonding talks every day and I know everything about them. We don’t get on each other’s nerves and we’re going to be best friends for life.

14. I don’t miss my family at all.

I’m not planning on moving back in with my parents when I graduate because I’m an adult, damn it.

15. And I definitely don’t miss my dog one bit.

I haven’t thought about smuggling him back to college with me after break. Not at all. Never.

16. I’m not stressing about all of the student loan debt I’m going to have when I get out of here.

And I feel confident about my ability to find a job that I enjoy and applies to my major as soon as I leave college.
Cover Image Credit: Wikiwand

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I Went To "The Bachelor" Auditions

And here's why you won’t be seeing me on TV.

It’s finally time to admit my guilty pleasure: I have always been a huge fan of The Bachelor.

I can readily admit that I’ve been a part of Bachelor fantasy leagues, watch parties, solo watching — you name it, I’ve gone the whole nine yards. While I will admit that the show can be incredibly trashy at times, something about it makes me want to watch it that much more. So when I found out that The Bachelor was holding auditions in Houston, I had to investigate.

While I never had the intention of actually auditioning, there was no way I would miss an opportunity to spend some time people watching and check out the filming location of one of my favorite TV shows.

The casting location of The Bachelor, The Downtown Aquarium in Houston, was less than two blocks away from my office. I assumed that I would easily be able to spot the audition line, secretly hoping that the endless line of people would beg the question: what fish could draw THAT big of a crowd?

As I trekked around the tanks full of aquatic creatures in my bright pink dress and heels (feeling somewhat silly for being in such nice clothes in an aquarium and being really proud of myself for somewhat looking the part), I realized that these auditions would be a lot harder to find than I thought.

Finally, I followed the scent of hairspray leading me up the elevator to the third floor of the aquarium.

The doors slid open. I found myself at the end of a large line of 20-something-year-old men and women and I could feel all eyes on me, their next competitor. I watched as one woman pulled out her travel sized hair curler, someone practiced answering interview questions with a companion, and a man (who was definitely a little too old to be the next bachelor) trying out his own pick-up lines on some of the women standing next to him.

I walked to the end of the line (trying to maintain my nonchalant attitude — I don’t want to find love on a TV show). As I looked around, I realized that one woman had not taken her eyes off of me. She batted her fake eyelashes and looked at her friend, mumbling something about the *grumble mumble* “girl in the pink dress.”

I felt a wave of insecurity as I looked down at my body, immediately beginning to recognize the minor flaws in my appearance.

The string hanging off my dress, the bruise on my ankle, the smudge of mascara I was sure I had on the left corner of my eye. I could feel myself begin to sweat. These women were all so gorgeous. Everyone’s hair was perfectly in place, their eyeliner was done flawlessly, and most of them looked like they had just walked off the runway. Obviously, I stuck out like a sore thumb.

I walked over to the couches and sat down. For someone who for the most part spent most of the two hours each Monday night mocking the cast, I was shocked by how much pressure and tension I felt in the room.

A cop, stationed outside the audition room, looked over at me. After a brief explanation that I was just there to watch, he smiled and offered me a tour around the audition space. I watched the lines of beautiful people walk in and out of the space, realizing that each and every one of these contestants to-be was fixated on their own flaws rather than actually worrying about “love.”

Being with all these people, I can see why it’s so easy to get sucked into the fantasy. Reality TV sells because it’s different than real life. And really, what girl wouldn’t like a rose?

Why was I so intimidated by these people? Reality TV is actually the biggest oxymoron. In real life, one person doesn’t get to call all the shots. Every night isn’t going to be in a helicopter looking over the south of France. A real relationship depends on more than the first impression.

The best part of being in a relationship is the reality. The best part about yourself isn’t your high heels. It’s not the perfect dress or the great pick-up lines. It’s being with the person that you can be real with. While I will always be a fan of The Bachelor franchise, this was a nice dose of reality. I think I’ll stick to my cheap sushi dates and getting caught in the rain.

But for anyone who wants to be on The Bachelor, let me just tell you: Your mom was right. There really are a lot of fish in the sea. Or at least at the aquarium.

Cover Image Credit: The Cut

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High School Seniors Should Be Excited For College, Not Scared

Even though it seems stressful and it is a big new place, it will be some of the best memories you will have for life.


Going into the summer after my high school graduation, all I could think about was college, and how I was going to prepare to go to a new school and move away from home. Just know, it is not as stressful as you prepare yourself for it to be. You don't need to worry about not having any friends or not knowing how to get to all the different buildings because you have to remember everyone else on campus has been in the exact same position you are in, and there are tons of people on campus to help you.

One of the things I was most worried about was classes and how to know which classes to take. My advice is to go to counseling and plan out your classes before you register. Planning out classes will drastically help you stay on track and the counselors will help you make a balanced schedule that you can actually handle.

Another piece of advice would be to not bring as much stuff for your dorm as you think you will need. By all means, bring the essential things that you will need, but remember a dorm room is very small and you share it with another person. You won't have a ton of space for extra stuff and you want to have space to move around and actually live in your dorm.

Finally, if you are concerned about meeting people and making friends, just try and be as outgoing and open as possible. Everyone else in the dorms is just as nervous as you are too meet people, it really helps to try to branch out. Joining clubs or greek life also helps you meet people around campus with common interests as you.

College is not something to be scared of. Even though it seems stressful and it is a big new place, it will be some of the best memories you will have for life.


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