"Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
Cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me
I know that I'm in reach
And I am down on my knees
Praying for something beautiful"

-Something Beautiful, by Needtobreathe

I sat there and listened to all three songs on repeat: Needtobreathe, Newsboys, and Steven Curtis Chapman. All of them had the exact same title: Something Beautiful. Finally satisfying my angsty need to think deeply on a constant basis, I clicked pause on the YouTube video and leaned back in my chair, pensive.

I did want something beautiful. Something very specific, of course, but I also just wanted something beautiful out of life in general. I happen to believe that there is more beauty to the world than ugliness, if you only have the nerve to see it.

So where did I go from there?

Well, I began analyzing each song, and realized that, though their titles are the same, and all have God at their center, something was radically different about each one. They all dealt with desiring, as the title indicates, something beautiful, but they dealt with different components of that desire.

Which inspired the three-part series I am embarking on right now. So, the first component of desiring something beautiful: Realizing you already have it.

"In your ocean, I'm ankle deep
I feel the waves crashin' on my feet
It's like I know where I need to be
But I can't figure out, yeah I can't figure out"

Where was this "something beautiful" in my life? It was around the time that I had this binge-listen that I realized I wasn't digging super deep into my relationship with the Lord. I knew what needed to be done, but I wasn't getting there. There were too many things about my life that I still wanted to have figured out before I fully turned it all over to God. Why?

Because I knew He could turn it all on its head.

And I LOVE having control.

"Just how much air I will need to breathe
When your tide rushes over me
There's only one way to figure out
Will ya let me drown, will ya let me drown"

Sometimes, however, the only way you can get to what you are looking for - or what you think you are looking for - is to let go of it and trust His plan. And let me tell you - it is SCARY. It does get less so over time, but the point doesn't change.

I took my "something beautiful" in my hands, looked it over lovingly one last time, and then handed it up to God.

"Do what you want," I said.

"Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful"

Yes, yes, I know I already posted the lyrics, but they're part of my song analysis. Cool your jets.

Believe it or not, for the first few weeks, it was relatively easy to control my desire. All I had to do was remind myself of God's goodness, how He had my best interests at heart, how if and when I was to receive it, He would bring it along.

And that in and of itself was beautiful, friends. That complete assurance that God saw me and had my back completely.

"And the water is risin' quick
And for years I was scared of it
We can't be sure when it will subside
So I won't leave your side, no I can't leave your side"

Then I started seeing other people receiving that which I desired. There is nothing that fuels your discontentment more than seeing your friends in situations you wouldn't mind cashing in on. So I turned back to God. Clinging to Him has been the only way I've survived.

"Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful"

And then I realized something magnificent...

"In a day dream, I couldn't live like this
I wouldn't stop until I found something beautiful
When I wake up
And all I want, I have
You know it's still not what I need - something beautiful"

I don't know when it hit me. But I realized, I already HAD something beautiful. And it was the most glorious thing I could ever imagine.

The all-knowing, all-seeing God of the universe actually cared about ME. Little old, small-town-girl, doesn't think she's anything special me. He knew every part of me intimately - including my desires - and He gently took my hand and said, "Not right now. I have something better in mind for you at the moment."

He has done many great things for me in the ensuing months. For one thing, He's worked on my contentment. I truly do enjoy my current state of life. He's constantly showing me how to love others, properly, as He does.

And every day, my trust in Him grows exponentially. To know that there is Someone, somewhere, whom I can depend on and give all my cares to completely, well, I guess that's something pretty beautiful.

"Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire, 'cause I just want something beautiful
To touch me, I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees, I'm waiting for something beautiful
Oh, something beautiful"

Next week, catch my analyzing the second component of desiring something beautiful based off of the Newsboys song!