In this day and age, it is extremely hard to actually be alone. Have you ever thought about that? Think about the last time you were actually alone. As in, nobody around to have to explain yourself to or try to entertain. No phone to post your every move on social media or text your friends in a group message. It is alarming how little time we spend totally by ourselves, nourishing that part of us that wants nothing more than to reconnect with our wants, needs, desires, and dreams.

For as long as I can remember, I have valued alone time more than most people. I think a lot of that stems from the fact that I am a twin — which is the biggest blessing of my life no doubt, but doesn’t afford much room for individuality ... or alone time for that matter. I still get so frustrated when people refer to my sister and I as “we” or (the absolute worst) “the twins,” as if we still have to spend every waking second together. But for most of our childhood, we really did. We spent almost all of our time together- spawning my need for a getaway, party of one.

But what about now, what about today? When I’m living independently, far away from my family and a lot of my friends. What’s my excuse for needing alone time, and more importantly, how do I obtain it?

The answer quite simply is this: I really don’t know. Even in a new city, I feel the need to escape and spend some time with myself far more often than I could’ve expected. Maybe that’s weird. But I don’t see it that way, instead I choose to celebrate it. I choose, almost daily, to indulge in some good ole fashioned alone time. For me, this usually involves a hot cup of coffee and an old episode of "Friends" or "Sex and the City" or HIMYM (minus the last season). Sometimes, when I’m really feeling sophisticated, I’ll read book or write a little something, or just spend some time in my Bible. Honestly sometimes I’ll just play some throwback Maroon 5 songs and watch the sunset. Sometimes it is harder than I would like it to be to find this time, but when I recognize myself as overly irritable or overwhelmed -- I force myself to find time (for the sake of myself and others quite frankly). And regardless of the activity, how long it lasts, or any of the various other variables- this time in solitude is a small victory for me, because I’m giving my soul just what it needs.

But this leads me to my next question: does everyone need and crave the alone time that I do? When I was younger, the answer seemed to be a big “No.” My friends would often ask me to spend the night or even go on short weekend trips with them and I would often times refuse, realizing that I wouldn’t have the ability to spend any time by myself. I wasn’t prepared to give up my Saturday morning “only-one-awake-in-the-house” solitude in exchange for a spontaneous adventure ... and most of my friends thought I was pretty strange because of it. Since then, I’ve learned to balance things a little better and greatly cherish these (somewhat more mature … somewhat) adventures. But even in the company of my greatest friends in the greatest of places, I crave time alone desperately at times.

So I guess I’ll end this compilation of random thoughts with my question: how popular is this craving for alone time? Am I an outlier in a sea of people who perhaps enjoy socializing more than I do? Or does everybody around me desire this time in solitude but just do a better job of balancing it? Or covering it up?

Alone time, you are strangely complex.