"Aren't you lonely?"

Hm. Okay.

I'm going to get directly to the point here.

I like and most times even prefer being alone. And for some reason, a lot of people don't seem to understand how that can be a thing. People don't seem to understand how someone can like being on their own, how someone can like going out and coming home alone, how someone can prefer the company of no one else but maybe their own pet.

People don't seem to understand that just because I'm alone, doesn't mean that I'm lonely.

I have friends, both college and back home. But of those friends, there are really only two - one near campus, the other back home - that I actively and regularly talk to and interact with. Not because I like them more than the others, no, but because:

1. I don't keep in touch well. It's just a fact and that's my problem.

2. I prefer to have my focus elsewhere.

In my 20 years of living, I have been involved in only one relationship - two, if you count a middle school "romance" that lasted maybe a few weeks - and that ended relatively early because I figured out that I wasn't ready to dedicate the time and energy that a relationship needs to survive.

Romantic relationships, or really any relationship, deserves a section of time and energy and if you cannot provide it at that moment, then you shouldn't force it. Relationships shouldn't be forced.

What I'm trying to say here is, I'm absolutely fine being alone. I'm fine with the friends that I have, the ones who are understanding enough to get that I won't text them every day or even for weeks because I'm busy with other things. I'm absolutely fine going out or even staying home alone. I can look at photos of people I know going on wild adventures with their friends and not feel bothered by any sense of loneliness because I'm not lonely .

I'm free; free of commitments that require something that I'm not able or ready to give.

And while we're at it, let me get another thing straight here.

If you're there thinking to yourself, "Well, she's just afraid of commitment," then, in a sense, I guess you're right.

I am afraid of commitment because commitment to someone else is a detraction of focus on things that I need to get done and finish right now. And I understand for many that the two should go hand-in-hand and "true commitment shouldn't take your focus away from anything" and "friends/partners will always support you."

I get that. But what y'all need to get is that I'm not at that point yet.

I'm not at that point where I can freely give my time and my energy away as if it's some infinitely giving life force. Maybe someday I will be, but today is not that day.

So when you ask me, "Aren't you lonely?"

I will say, "No. I'm just fine. Thank you."

Let's leave it at that.