If there’s anything that I’ve learned from being single as a young twenty something, it’s that you should learn to enjoy doing things alone. I always thought that I wasn't the type of girl to depend on a guy for happiness. Although that's what seemed to occur once I was in my first real relationship. I expected us to do everything together since he was not only my boyfriend, but my best friend. Unfortunately, for me, that is not how it went. I spent many nights alone in my room, filled with insecurity and an overwhelming sadness. The amount of effort given in the relationship was incredibly uneven. After a while, I began to feel less and less like a priority. Loneliness was a constant feeling for me and I started to question if it was worth it. I struggled with many issues throughout my relationship, but I was always too afraid and insecure to completely open up about them.
It wasn’t until after about six months of being single that I began to realize all the things that I wanted to change. I had to reach a low point in my life to realize what I wanted for myself and my future relationships. I wanted to be comfortable with being alone and doing things on my own. I used to always envy people who did things by themselves and enjoyed their own company because I couldn't get comfortable with it. When I would go out and try to do things alone, I would only end up feeling awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe it was because I was trying too hard to force it rather than it being a gradual change or maybe it was the fact that I typically had someone to go with me. But, something soon sparked in me. I began to thoroughly enjoy doing things alone and I yearned for independence. At the time, it seemed like most people I was surrounded by had significant others or at least wanted one. But I did not, not a single fiber of my being wanted a significant other. I would sometimes get asked, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” or people would blatantly tell me, “You should get a boyfriend.” Regardless of how people meant for it come off, I was always slightly offended by this. I don’t need a boyfriend and I didn’t appreciate people trying to tell me otherwise.
After the time that I spent growing and learning on my own, I realized how happy I became based off of things I did solely for myself. I stopped depending on anyone for anything, and that to me, was one of the greatest feelings ever. Now, the thought of being alone and independent for a good while does not scare me one bit.
I would much rather be alone in my own company than feel lonely while in the company of someone who should be make me feel anything but that.
