Almost everyone I meet has the same fear: being alone. This fear of being alone forces them to spend all of their life surrounded by other people, equating loneliness with being alone. To me, loneliness is a lack of company, whereas being alone is a state of mind of having no one to turn to. We all fear that if we take the time to ourselves, to take a step away from everyone we know, that we will be forgotten and end up alone. But, this is not the case.
I recently returned from a semester abroad in Italy. I didn’t go with any of my friends, but rather a few acquaintances and many strangers. I didn’t take this trip to meet new people, but to make new experiences for myself. Because of this, I decided to keep to myself. I arrived in Italy a week before my fellow students and spent most of the days alone, with the exception of 4 hours a day working and preparing for their arrival. Most of this time I spent wandering the city, discovering new pleasures, and eating by myself. The first night I was there, I was so afraid to eat alone that I didn’t eat dinner that night, nor breakfast or lunch the next day. And then I thought; why am I afraid of being by myself? I guess it was the thought of other people judging me for having a dinner of one, or worried about my safety, but my decision to get up and ask for a table for one began a very important discovery for me: I need to spend more time with myself.
I made friends throughout the semester, but I took almost all of my trips alone. Traveling outside of the country by myself frightened my family and confused my friends, but I couldn’t have asked for a better experience. I didn’t have to compromise myself and my interests to fit other people’s needs. I went to art museums, the Anne Frank House, even the National Leprechaun Museum (yes, it’s a real thing). I don’t know a single person of the 53 students in my program that would have stood in line for 2 hours to see a small attic and museum, but it was debatably the most rewarding experience I had abroad. Since that first night of sitting by myself, ignoring the waitresses’ judgements, I’ve learned to love myself.
Without letting go of the concept of loneliness, you will never become independent. Independence is the most rewarding thing you can give yourself. You learn how to take care of yourself; your needs and desires and how to fulfil them. You get to be yourself and visit that Leprechaun Museum. And most of all, you learn to love yourself.
Being by yourself doesn’t have to be a sad, wallowing affair. It can be full of amazement and take you to places you never thought you would go. It rids your body of the fear of other’s thoughts because the more time you spend by yourself, the more chances you have to learn how unique and wonderful you are.
It took me traveling halfway across the world to learn this, but I could have done this in the comfort of my own home. Just get out there and take a leap. Get a table for one. If you feel nothing has changed afterwards, at least you got a whole basket of breadsticks to yourself.
