Almost the one, but not really…I’ve brought up this self-invented term multiple times to friends and on a couple occasions to strangers. They typically seem intrigued by this puzzling statement, but I don’t think it has a specific definition yet. The definition keeps shifting as I keep experiencing life and end up in the same situation with different people. Perhaps it’s my fault –scratch that it most definitely is. Why would I end up in the same situation and it not be my fault if the common factor is always me?

I want you to understand that I am not your stereotypical possessive woman. I don’t expect a man to text or call me 24/7 or to report to me what he is doing at all times. I understand that we both need time for ourselves and I enjoy solitude. Yet at the end of the day, I do want to come together and share things that I don’t normally share with everybody else because that’s the sole purpose of being together. I don’t expect a man to tell me everything that goes through his mind, in fact I like to keep some things private, because we are two people coming together, but we don’t equal one. In fact, we will never just be one and that’s perfectly fine.

Some male friends have told me that I’m the type of woman that any guy would be lucky to be in a relationship with. At first, I wondered why they would say this, after all, I’m imperfect as I can be. Let me elaborate on my not so good qualities as you need to know both sides of the coin. What some people don’t know is that I hate asking for help and at times I can be very stubborn, regardless of who’s trying to help. I demand explanations when I feel like people are being weird, because my intuition is almost always right and I hate to lose time. I can be cold at times, even when I don’t mean to, which is why a reminder of what warmth feels like is always welcomed. Among many other not so good qualities, I find that I’m not so bad after all. But this doesn’t take away from the fact that I’m still not the one.

“Where do things go south?” you may ask and this is a hard question to answer. Things go south somewhere between being too understanding and not having expectations of the man I’m interested in. Wait, what? I always thought that not having expectations would save me some heartache and deception and that being understanding gives people space to be their true selves. Well, apparently not in the battleground to go from being a great woman to go out with to a woman that a man wants to commit to.

I’m not actively seeking for a man to compliment me and make me happy. I’m happy as I am and I am in no rush to jump into a relationship, especially one that doesn’t help me grow. But I am actively searching for an answer as to why I never reach the next level. Now, I think I’ve identified why, but I don’t know how not to be who I am. I want to grow, learn, fall and get up again, but one thing I don’t want is to keep making the same mistakes.

Is it me? Is it the society we live in? Can I change who I am to get to the next round? I don’t think I’m willing to sacrifice who I am to survive in the dating world. Will I continue to be the woman that understands that he’s “too depressed”, “too busy to commit”, “too focused on his career?"

I will demand my place and I will have expectations of how I should be treated and respected. I will stop excusing how the modern world carries itself when it comes to dating. I will stop excusing that man to make him feel OK. I will stop being too nice if there’s not even a chance I get to the “next round.” I need to be more selfish --now THAT I will blame on society. Society has taught me that nobody will look after me, but myself.

When was the last time you heard someone say that you need to be more selfish? I know I hear that all the time. We live in such an individualistic society that fears commitment, because there’s this idea that commitment prevents you from being your own person. Let me tell you that being in the wrong relationship prevents you from being your true self, but that’s why it’s up to every person to choose wisely. Let’s not get confused with choosing the wrong partner and commitment being bad for our future.