I was always certain that I wanted to go into medicine.
Ever since I was a kid, when I watched medical TV dramas -- under the cover of night even when my parents had clearly prohibited it -- I knew I wanted to be a doctor. So, it didn't come as a surprise to most of my close family members and friends that I applied to college with the mindset of eventually going into medical school. I can now say after two years in college that it was idealistic to believe that it would be easy. Because it hasn't been easy at all, and I haven't been experiencing that thrill I felt when I watched those TV dramas at night. On the contrary, it's been quite the hassle, and I know I am not even halfway through.
So, why continue? That's the question I ask myself every day. The question makes its way into my head every week day, when I am stuck in the library reading ahead of my chemistry and biology class while all my friends are out partying. The question creeps in again on Fridays and Saturdays, when everyone takes the time to decompress for the week, and I am stuck rushing to the library after I just had an exam in order to study for the next one. I ask myself the same exact question every single day or every single week, when I put my studies and those incoherent scientific tomes ahead of my college experience. And I still can't fully answer that question, because my answer is extremely ambivalent.
You see, I would answer it with something like this: I put myself through hell every week, because I love it. It's something that I am sure every premedical student thinks about but doesn't say. I wouldn't imagine myself living any other way. It's true, I whine a lot and I don't sleep that much either, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My college life wouldn't make sense without molecule sets or endless biology chapters, or even complex physics equations. My hell of a college life would not make sense if I weren't stressing out every single second of every single day.
And some might call me melodramatic. But when you are as passionate as I am about the possibility of a medical career, everything is a theatre, I always have to look and act my best, because premedical students are always being scrutinized. Medical schools are looking for the absolute best: dozens of hours of clinical experience, hundreds of volunteer hours, and, as if the requirements weren't enough, a stellar GPA. So, sure I am melodramatic, and truthfully my friends have no idea where I am half of the time. But is there any other way to do it? Don't I have the right to question whether I want to do this every single day of my four years in college? I certainly believe so. But I also am pretty sure it is my job to bring myself back from the brink.
It is every premedical student's job to bring themselves back from the point of total frustration and exhaustion, because our future is not an easy goal to reach. I think about this every single day, and I question myself about it every single second of the day. But my answer is the same on any given moment: 'Hell yes!' While I may be missing out on some things, and I may be struggling more than some, I love what I do, and I would repeat this cycle in a heartbeat. All in honor of that kid who used to dream of being one of those cool doctors in the shows, and the patients he will hopefully care for in the future.