I have two kinds of friends: the ones who always have a boyfriend and the ones who can’t even keep track of the boys they’re talking to. Then there are my friends who don’t even know how to talk to boys in general, but I’d like to think I got through that awkward stage when I was 12 years old. After all, I was voted “Most Boy Crazy” in the 8th grade.
I don’t know where I fall in my latter of friends. However, what I do know is that I never quite have a boyfriend, but I also don’t have a slew of boys blowing up my phone daily (or nightly, whatever works).
It’s funny, actually, because there was always someone and this “someone” was always something in my life, but I’m not sure what that was. Maybe it was due to the lack of label or lack of communication, but I always found myself being the “almost girl.”
There’s a chance that some of you have gone through, or are going through the same thing. We’re the girls that are almost the girlfriend, but when it comes down to the commitment, the guy just can’t, well, commit.
It’s an ongoing thing, and it’s exhausting. You often catch yourself wondering why you’re letting him put you through this.
There have been other girls for him, yet he keeps coming back. That’s reassuring, I guess, because you’re his constant, but there aren’t any other guys for you because it’s always been him. You’ll maybe talk to someone new here and there, but it’s just to pass the time until he comes back.
He always does, by the way. He always comes back. That’s how you know there’s something there. You can’t put your finger on it, though. Feelings, yes, but the intentions behind them are often lost in translation. Each time he comes back your faith grows a little stronger, but at the first sign of anything serious, he’s gone.
So here you are, the “almost girl” trying to make sense of your “almost relationship.”
You’ll move on, or pretend to at least, until the cycle begins again and he’s back in your life. You’ll be happy, but it’ll only be temporary, and honestly, is that even worth it?
You shouldn’t have to wait around for the cycle to continue, because you already know the outcome. Maybe one day he’ll realize that you’re actually the one, but until then, you’re just the “almost girl.”
It’s a harsh reality, but it’s one you’re used to.
It took me a long time to realize that the only reason I was the “almost girl,” was because I made myself that way. I waited around for someone who loved me half-heartedly when I could have moved on the first time he left.
What I learned from this is that you shouldn’t waste your time waiting on someone who only loves you on days that it’s convenient for them. Instead, you should waste your time on someone who loves you, even when you didn’t think it was possible to be loved; Someone that will change you from the “almost girl” to the always girl.
