No one can actually tell when they are in a toxic relationship until they build up the courage to leave it. Well, if you are quite gullible like me, you probably went into that relationship multiple times because you thought that that was what you deserved. And when you did go back to that relationship you regretted it each time because people never really change like you want them to. It took me a long time to get over you, and even longer to find myself after all the broken pieces you left.

It took me quite awhile to get over you. I tried talking to others and even dated a few people but no one could never make me feel the way you did. I felt empty, full of false happiness. I let myself base my happiness around you and only did what would make you happy. I let my whole life center around you. I lost my best friends and lost who I was for a while.

Until one day I realized, you never actually showed me what a healthy relationship was, that what I thought was okay was actually not healthy. In all the times I thought I was happy or all of the times that I thought that I could see a future for us I was not thinking straight. I was blinded by what I imagined and pictured for us. I was consumed by nothing but sadness. After we broke up, I was broken. I would look at your twitter, facebook, even Snapchat story daily to see any sign of you missing me. It took me a long time to realize that what I was doing was not healthy and I was not happy myself. It was then that I started to realize that I was not what was wrong and that I deserved to be happy.

I tried to connect with my friends again, I started to listen to my favorite bands again, I did things for me. It had been so long since I could do something without having to get your permission or to just wonder what you thought. I was becoming myself, the person I knew before you. Laughing became easier. My anxiousness became less and less and I knew it was then that I could let myself love once more.

I do not necessarily mean love another person. Although, I am happy and in a relationship that I deserve now. When I say I could let myself love again I mean that I can love freely once more. I can love the breeze of the ocean misting my face without the worry of what you're doing. I can love a male friend without feeling your haste feedback. I can love food and eat whatever I want without you giving me "your look" because you thought I was "gaining too much weight." I can love myself and all of my imperfections and not care what any other person thinks.

After I fully moved on, I found that I was happy. I found out how short life truly is and that my mental health is valued way more than a silly boy who once controlled me. And with that, I want to thank you.

Thank you for showing me that I deserve more. Thank you for sending me to my lowest point to show me that I can achieve more. Thank you for giving me what I needed to love once again.