The past year or two I have seen people I really care about talk about some really deep things. Such as, they aren't happy with who they are or they think they are forever alone. When they say these things, I know two things are certain, first it surprises them how open they are being with me, and it makes them hate themselves even more when they think about it. It saddens me to think that they feel alone.
Now my friends know they aren't alone. We all know people struggle with self esteem everyday, and I'm sure they understand this. What we fail to realize is there are things we know, and things we feel and believe, however sometimes they don't all line up correctly.
First to everyone struggling with self love: I understand what you are going through. I am going to jump in and say that most people understand the struggle. I mean, who hasn't struggled with self esteem? Who hasn't hated what they see in the mirror? You know, the person you're afraid to be because you think everyone will hate you. Yeah, I get it.
Secondly, I understand you're reading this and probably screaming, "You can't possibly know exactly how I feel! You don't understand the pain, shame, hurt, and anger I feel!", Maybe you're also thinking of some things I have thought such as:
"Why do I struggle so much? People are meant to struggle but not like this.."
''If people knew what I have done, they would never love me."
"If people knew how and what I think, they'd run away quicker than a cheetah.."
"What if they don't like the real me?"
"Im scared that I will say something or do something and you'll never want to speak to me again."
"I am a horrible person and everyone hates me.."
Let me tell you something straight out, I don't know your full story. I don't know all of the details. Maybe someone did something really terrible and you can't move on past it. Maybe you did something terrible to yourself. Maybe you're ashamed, angry, hurt, and just sick of everything life throws your way. I don't know. I don't know everything. I also won't claim to know.
But I do know a few things:
1) There is only one of you, and you are so worthwhile.
2) I know you're beautiful. Don't argue with me over this. Don't let all those negative thoughts come into your head, you're gorgeous and cute. Accept it.
3) I know that a lot of people love you.
4) I know that you can't be afraid of being yourself. From personal experience, I know there will be some people, even some 'friends' who will try to change who you are because you're not up to their 'standards', but you're a fantastic person. There will always be people who are going to both love and like you for exactly who you are.
5) I know you have people in your life that love you unconditionally. It doesn't matter what you say, do, believe, or feel, they will always be there for you. Also, you won't find this person without taking the chance of telling people exactly how you feel.
I know that you're scared. Scared of being hated, ashamed, forgotten, embarrassed, not enough. I also know that you're not always "fine". And its okay, its perfectly okay to not always be fine. I know you have probably heard that again and again, and you never fully believe it, but its true. It's okay to not be okay. Your true friends will always love you for you. No matter your imperfection, its their job to continue to support and care for you. Theres only one of you, and you were put here for a reason. You're loved. You matter. You're worth it.
If you struggle with self love, please know that there are always options and people here for you. I challenge you to talk to these people, tell everyone how you honestly feel. Take the challenge and ask that girl/guy out, or talk to that new person, or tell your friends how much you appreciate them. I promise you, one day you will see all the good thats inside of you.
Just remember, other people have this same struggle. Other people have the same feelings. Other people can understand what you're going through. This doesn't mean to "just get over it", Im telling you, that there are ways to help get through it. I hope you believe this, or that the people around you help you to believe this someday.
I know you're worth it, and I have this great deal of optimism that knows, that you will know it one day too.