When talking about feminism and the premises that are the foundation of the movement, personal safety and social equality are paramount topics in the conversation. However, some individuals (men and women alike) argue that many feminists are "too extreme" because they act as if "all men are rapists."
The problem with this argument is two-fold: it is devaluing a rational fear and it is extremely insensitive and oozing with privilege.
First, the argument that women claim that "all men are rapists" is ridiculous because it is devaluing a rational fear. To say that the fear of rape is ridiculous because "not all men are rapists" is to deny the fact that any man could be and every woman needs to be cautious of being raped. One in four women on college campuses this year will be a victim of rape. Every woman on campus has a 25 percent chance of being raped in her four years at college. There is no excuse for that.
Being "personally hurt" because a woman thinks of you as a potential threat is wildly insensitive. Of the women raped, 82 percent will be raped by someone who the victim knew personally. It could have been their best friend, a classmate, or a boyfriend. It is not a personal attack for a woman to be wary of you, to not want to be in a room alone with you, or to refuse to drink alone with you. She has a very valid reason to be careful around all men, not just you. Instead of being so personally offended, try to sympathize with her. Reassure her that you care for her, but understand why that reassurance may not be enough.
To garner sympathy for women, many campaigns encourage you to think of us as "someone's sister, girlfriend, mother, or daughter." I will not participate in this type of misogynistic propaganda. Women are people. No one should have to think of us in terms of who we are to a man as a reason not to rape us.
To compound the distastefulness of the comment that some feminists act as though "all men are rapists," is the fact that it is extremely insensitive and it is oozing with privilege. For many women, the fear being raped dominates how they socially behave. As young girls we start to learn rape prevention tactics such as:
Don't dress too provocatively.
Don't walk alone.
When a man is on your side of the sidewalk, switch to the other side.
Don't leave your cup unattended at parties or bars.
Go everywhere with a friend.
Don't drink too much at parties.
The list goes on and on. The problem with learning these from an early age is that, when a rape occurs, women tend to blame themselves or the victim. In reality, all that these tactics are trying to do is make sure that he rapes the other girl. He will rape the girl with the shorter dress, who is drunker, who is alone. These methods aren't saying "don't rape," they're saying "don't rape me." Rape is not about sex, it is about power.
To imply that women's fears of being raped are ridiculous or radical after having been taught ways to protect ourselves from an early age is oozing with the privilege of never having been afraid of rape yourself. If you find it ridiculous or offensive that all women need to be cautious of the potential threat men pose, you have never sympathized with a woman because your safety doesn't depend on it. To deny that this privilege exists is to deny the very foundation of feminism itself: the fact that women have to go through life worrying about things like their own personal safety and men simply do not.
This article is in no way meant to attack men as a whole. These views are in no way misandrist. However, if you are personally offended by the fact that women are justified in distrusting men, it may be time for you to start standing up for women's rights and teaching your sons about consent. It may be time to stop teaching "don't be raped" and start teaching "don't rape."
