Dear past self,

Ok kid. It’s August. First of all, take a deep breath. Go outside after you read this and just walk. Walk downtown, walk as long as it takes to reset yourself. It’s going to get a little crazy, and you need to just get out of your room and breathe in some summer air. I’m going to describe the next 8 months of your life, and that is why I told you to go outside after reading this. So buckle up man, here goes.

First of all, financial aid. The parents are not evil, and Dad will sign the loan. Ok, that’s all, nice talking to you, goodnight. Nah just kidding. But seriously, it’s going to be all right. You’ll move in early, in about 3 weeks as a matter of fact. Don’t forget to wear that purple T-shirt with the Warhawks written on it. That’ll make a good Facebook profile picture on move in day. Which, by the way, is going to be an amazing adrenaline filled day.

You’ll move in on a Thursday, Dad will take off work, and you’ll head off to Whitewater. There’ll be some boring classes with the disability center, and then you’ll go back to your room. You’re on the third floor, so get used to stairs. That’s nothing new I guess. The room is facing the field where the band practices, so that’ll be kind of neat. Oh yah… your roommate. Well, umm… let’s just say it’s going to be interesting. That time at the fair was a bit misleading, but it’s all right. You’ll learn some valuable lessons, such as text him before you head back when his girlfriend is there, and well, that’s the big one. He’ll move out second semester, don’t worry. No more guy coming bac at 2 A.M. drunk, by the way, go to Wal Mart and buy earplugs and sleeping pills. Works wonders if you ask me, or you, or whatever. Just do it ok? I’m the one who’s been here, not you. Sorry, I am a bit more snippy now, but I’ll get to that in a minute.

So, the whole Learning Community thing is going to give you one main thing, and that is a best friend. The guy is going to be a brother. Just be yourself, talk to him during the first few days, and you’re good to go. I’ll get to more with him in a minute, but Derek is going to get you through some crazy stuff this year I can tell you that now.

Derek isn’t the only one who is going to be helpful. The whole LC is going to be there, Kari will help you run across the football field during the Club UWW ceremony, you’ll smile the whole time. Side note the cannon is REALLY loud, so yah be ready for that. But throughout the first semester you’re going to do fine. There’s one person I haven’t mention yet, but I have good reason for that.

She’s a roommate of a friend from the Learning Community. Now before I tell you this, I just want to say that, even now, I don’t know how I feel about the whole thing. See, she’s really an amazing person, or at least that’s what you’ll notice first. She finds the stupid, inner six-year-old side of you really funny, and will make an entire note in her phone of stupid things you say while hyped off caffeine. Caffeine is life by the way, just so you know. Anyway, she’s going to be basically your life for first semester. You guys will become really good friends, she makes puns too, so there’s that.

She is going to do something, more than one thing actually, that will change you. And one is for the better, the other… even I, the all-knowing future self don’t know yet. In December, you’re going to have one of the most difficult struggles of mind over matter, and she’s going to be the reason you win out in the end. You might want to sit down for this. You’re going to go to Minnesota for Christmas break, and it is going to be the best Christmas of your life. And you’ll hold that, not know how to thank her, for helping you realize you had the will to make that decision. She’ll help you pick out gifts, even let you stay with her family over the break until you take the train there.

You’ll make your way back to campus after break, and start second semester not long after. All the crazy of family goings-on will buzz in your head, but it’ll be all right. Alex will be there, as she always is, the rock solid little sister who knows how to get you through the crazy times. Speaking of insanity and stress, strap in, this is where it gets real.

In November, you’ll attempt to casually tell her that you like her, and be pushed away, but it’ll be OK. She doesn’t hold it against you, outwardly anyway. You guys will still be friends, and she’ll even take time out of her day to come eat with you during breaks at work. Oh, yah… work.

So, you’re going to get this job as a bus boy, table washer more accurately, at one of the dining halls. It is going to be, hands down, the worst job you will ever have. You do a decent job of smiling through it, until the last week or two anyway. That’s mostly due to what’s going to happen next, and it’s not pretty.

So, back to the friend. You are going to grow to like her more and more. She’ll stay up till 6:30 A.M. with you, on the night of the first snow, and you’ll watch the entire Harry Potter series in about 3 weeks. And she genuinely seems to care about you. I say seems to because of her sudden disappearing act she pulls in March. She has this group of friends that she is going to gravitate toward, and there is something about them she likes more than your stupid caffeine induced idiocy, which is understandable I guess. No, actually it’s really not, but it happens. This is all going to come crashing down one night, and it’s going to be rough. You are going to put everything on the table, and have the door slammed in your face. And you will call Alex crying, it’s by far the worst night of the year. From there, it will get progressively more awkward, you’ll try to run out of the one class you have with her just so you don’t have to face her, you’ll hold it together when she says hi, then close the door again and recover behind it, over and over. That’ll never change. So, yah, I should get the optimist award, I get it. And in the end you'll still be friends, it's just worlds different than before. But it happens, and this is where the man, the myth, the legend, Derek will come flying in to save the day.

He’ll journey to Erbert’s and Gerbert’s with you probably a hundred times to get peanut butter and jelly subs at like 11 P.M, go to Culverts with you a few times, and it will be like the old times with the guys from high school. The amount of things you will talk about will be ridiculous, and you’ll be best friends fast. He’s going to go through some things, and you darn better do the best you can to get him through it, and he’ll do the same thing with you. You guys are going to go to a Brewers game, and it’s going to be a blast. He helps take your mind off her, off college, off the stress of family and of life. All that, and he’s headed to another school next year, but your lifelong friends so it’s going to be fine. I hope it is, and that’s me, the all-knowing future self, being unsure. If there’s one thing you take away from college, it is to never ever take anything at face value. It could be better than you could have ever expected, and it could be worse. Just use your best judgment, and don’t hesitate to put you first. It’s still something I am struggling with now, but it’s something you’ll start to learn.

There will be more things, laughter, tears, hopes, things that work and things that don’t. But if I told you everything, first of all we’d be here for a year, second of all there would be no fun in the world for you if I told you everything. But it’s going to be all right, in the end, and you’ll walk away from your Freshmen year a little bit beaten up, a little bit more unwilling to trust and to open up, but in the end, you’ll walk away with a really good friend, a surer sense of your place in the world, and a lot more strength. That little seed of confidence you feel now is only going to grow, so get ready for the crazy roller coaster that is your first year of college. And most of all, enjoy the ride!

Sincerely,

future you